Mercy

Mercy is kindness beyond what is demanded by fairness. Compassion. I am a person that has generally seen in black and white- as a child I was really concerned about what was fair. At about 10, my step-mother told me I should grow up to be a judge because I was so sure about what was fair.

I am beginning to see that was is fair may miss the point altogether. This is a lesson I am getting over and over again from the universe so maybe I should pay attention now. As a child and through early adulthood I believed that everyone was equal and that to succeed in school and in life you just needed to stay focused and apply yourself and the world was your oyster. True for me, but not for everyone. My daughter has a learning disability so some academic things are harder for her than for some other kids.

My daughter is also unuasually compassionate for a child and always has been. I think she has a lot to teach me. I am learning. I see shades of gray now and try to be compassionate and show mercy for others and for myself. I have been off my program for a while. January was a tough month with ilnesses in the family, a beach vacation and weather issuses that have left me unmotivated. I started again yesterday and I am showing my self mercy and compassion for being imperfect and human on this journey.

For a while I thought I have to learn how do maintain my weight and not write everthing down and plan all my food and exercise. Well I am not where I can do that yet. It doesnt work for me. I guess I just have to write everything down at this point. Weight is 192.