Are Your Friends Making You Fat?

Just read a great NY Times article from 9/13/09. We were cleaning out old newspapers and I saw the magazine cover story: "Are Your Friends Making You Fat?" Yes they are. There is evidence that 3 degrees of separation effects your weight, smoking and happiness. Obesity is contagious. Researchers replicated the way people influence one another and the virtual society they created, slowly became obese. If one person is obese and strategically placed in the group and influences one person it is contagious. Fascinating.

The solution is not to diet with a friend, but to diet with friends of friends- then everyone is surrounded by one person that is losing weight. Losing weight is hard. Right now around the holidays, it is just about impossible. But keeping it off if every one around you is obese is even harder.

No wonder I want everyone I know to join the step up plan. I am terrified of gaining back all of the weight. I am hoping that I have changed my habits. Maintenance could be harder than losing. I just can't imagine it but it may be true.

Humans are social beings. We are pack animals that want to be like the rest, be included and a part of the whole. Being different doesn't feel good. My hope is that through this Blog and my journey I can get others to join me, feel included and motivated. Maybe we can influence each other to be healthy and fit too.

Hannuka

This is what I said as a part of the 1st service this morning at Church where Allison was an angel in the Christmas pagent. We watched Fidler on the Roof last night (well the first half anyway) and we ate Latkes. I have been failing at staying on my program the past few days. I have even forgotten my pedometer. As I get into all of the traditions of the seasons I fall short on my new habits. I will do better tomorrow.
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The word tradition comes from the Latin which means "handing over or passing on".
This is the season of traditions. I have many traditions that I am passing on to my daughter. I think we need the traditions to help us feel that we belong to something larger than ourselves. It comforts me and allows me to be child again.

I grew up in a very non conventional family- actually many diverse households. I lived for a time on a commune, my stepmother is Jewish (Dad's 3rd wife) my mom's second husband was black and we moved in these world with ease at kids. Dad, the Maoist, read the communist manifesto at the dinner table a couple of times when I was in middle school until my sister and I revolted. I was taught that religion was the opiate of the masses, but remember going to Catholic church with my grandma on Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday. We never went went to temple, but observed the Jewish holidays. No wonder I am a UU, I love it that all of this is kind of normal here. We had a Christmas tree / Hanukkah bush and an annual solstice- toboggan party. The winter nights in Minnesota are very long and very very cold. My father believed in honoring the pagan traditions.

In honor of the traditions and diversity in my family and the world, and in honor of Marly,(noni to Allison) my step mother our relationship, and my love for her and her family especially my Grandma Louise (Babba Lou to Allison) I pass the Jewish traditions onto Allison. We light the menorah from my childhood, spin the dradle, eat latkes, Allison gets one small present each night like I did, and we retell the story of the miracle of the oil lasting 8 nights.

Allison has a poem to share about what Hannuka means to her

H- Happiness

A- A time to gather

N- Nation of believers

N- New toys

U- Uninterrupted light

K- Kitchen- I smell Latkes

A- A time to celebrate

(lighting of the menora with Allison)

This from our president, just one day after receiving the Noble peace Prize:

"The Hanukkah story of the Maccabees and the miracles they witnessed reminds us that faith and perseverance are powerful forces that can sustain us in difficult times and help us overcome even the greatest odds. Hanukkah is not only a time to celebrate the faith and customs of the Jewish people, but for people of all faiths to celebrate the common aspirations we share,"

"As families, friends and neighbors gather together to kindle the lights, may Hanukkah's lessons inspire us all to give thanks for the blessings we enjoy, to find light in times of darkness, and to work together for a brighter, more hopeful tomorrow."

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Julie / Julia

I got the movie Julie and Julia yesterday from Redbox ($1 one night rentals) and it was fabulous. I like many others of my generation learned to cook primarily from 2 books. First and foremost for the basics The Joy of Cooking, and once I realized that I loved cooking and food then I graduated to Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child.

I remember watching her on PBS, and as a teenager,watching the Dan Akroyd skit on SNL- bleeding all over the kitchen. I still find it hilarious. What appalled me from the movie was the butter. Oh my, how she loved butter. I can not eat like that. How do the French stay so thin eating all that butter. Oh well. I dusted off my used copy and will start to read it again with fresh eyes and see how I can make wonderful food like Julia sans the butter. Probably not possible, like Latkes with out oil.

I have been so focused on counting the calories that I forgot about the joy of eating and of cooking. Julie and Julia reminded me of the Joy.

Step Up Recruits Again

If you live in the Chapel Hill area and want to loose 10% of your weight or more, please, please, please do your self a favor and sign up for the last cohort of the Step Up study. I signed up a year ago and let me tell you it is the absolute best thing I have ever done for my body and physical health.

The program is amazing, life changing and they pay you. Ok, it's not much but, you are not paying for weight watchers and you are getting, in my mind, a much better program. You are pretty much gauranteed to loose 10% of your body weight in the 18 months, beacuse they care, they follow you and will even give you meal replacements if you are not on track to meet your goal.

I can not say enough positive about my experience. It has impacted every aspect of my life in a positive way. I do not regret one minute of it and wish every one struggling with weight for their whole life like me, could have the experience I have had in losing the weight. I am not done yet, (I am half way through) but I have only 20 pounds to go.

Here's the info I recieved:
---------------------------
Dear Step Up study participants,

We are getting ready to recruit for the final round of study participants for the Step Up study. Many of you have told us that you have friends, co-workers or family
members who may be interested in participating. Please help spread the word that we are now begin recruitment for this third and final round of the study. Groups will start in February 2010 and we are we are beginning the eligibility screening now. If you know anyone who might be interested, please have them give us a call ( 919-966-5852 ) or send me an email, and we can give them more details about the program. They can also go to the website, www.uncweightresearch.org, for additional
information. Please pass it on!!

Thank you!
Kristen

--
Kristen Polzien, PhD.
Exercise Physiologist
Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Center
1700 MLK Jr. Blvd., Suite 136
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
Phone: (919) 966-9762
Fax: (919) 843-6663

Fine Dining

I have been working on setting up the endowment at our church for over six years. Today was the congregational meeting and I am now the chair of the endowment committee. Today we graduated from an interim committee. To celebrate we went to Fleming's steak house for fine dining.

I was underwhelmed and didn't do as well as I had hope. I ate very little before the meal so I was famished. I should have sent the bread away but I didn't. I ate my whole salad wedge- it was lovely but by the time the prime rib came I wasn't that hungry so I ate maybe 25%- 30% and same with my side- the sauteed spinach.

I used to love going out for a nice dinner, and this was my favorite- steak, salad sauteed spinach and mushrooms and molten chocolate cake. While eating I was distracted by counting the calories and suspicious of the butter. You know it is conspiracy by restaurateurs.... cover everything in butter to enhance flavor and fatten us all up. I passed on the wine to share the dessert.

So I sit here thinking about the over $100 we spent and wondering why I don't enjoy it anymore and wondering what to do next time. Fine dining at home perhaps-NY strip steaks from whole foods on the grill, but the service isn't very good here.

How to Manage December

Let's see what we have planned for December: Saturday is the greening of the church- Chili- not too bad for the diet. Dinner at Flemming's steak house on Sunday. Lunch out on Monday, a Christmas Carol (play) on Thursday night, Friday is the first night of Hanukkah which means greasy fired Latkes. Ok so that is only the first week.

I can handle all of this if I plan for it so here goes my tips and tricks.
1. Jack up the exercise- double the walks and classes- Tuesdays and Thursdays are now walk, spin, yoga mornings.
2. Eating out- count everything. Eat half of the portion or less. Practice portion control.
3. Parties- try 3 bites of everything no more, count everything. Have one glass of wine then go to water.
4. Latkes- have half of one and try to make some with pam in the oven- this is a hard one to manage around because the whole purpose is to eat oil.
5. Baking cookies and making candy- freeze or box for gifts immediately. Eat one of everything. Sit down and savor it and eat it very slowly enjoy every bite.
6. Out of town guests- Have things for them to enjoy but also the food that keeps you successful.
7. Christmas Day- portion control and have veggies that fill you up and just a few bites of the treats.
8. No eating after 7 pm
9. Drink lots of water
10. Weigh every day

Retail Therapy

I get a buzz from finding great deals shopping. It is really like a drug for me and I am on a binge right now and trying to figure out why. Is it a bad thing? It is just a little embarrassing, but I am also very proud of the great deals I got. I am comfortable writing this to the world but won't tell my husband. He has never read my blog so I think my secret is safe.

I had $40 in Kohl's cash that I had to spend this week or it is worthless. So I went to Kohl's last night after the weigh in/ UNC meeting. I went a bit crazy, and spent more than the $40 by $25 (16 articles of clothing most 90% some 80% off and one really cute top that was only 60% off for $7.20, a pair of jeans with a belt for $8- my most expensive buy plus a soap and lotion caddy for the guest bath $3.20 and 5 body sprays in a box for $2.80, I could go on). Then today we went to the mall, my daughter and I, so that she could go to build-a-bear for a promo code for their website. I spent spent another $20. So a total of $45 (or $85 if you count the cash back that I had to spend from black Friday shopping). To justify: I spend less than $1000 per year on clothes, and haven't bought much, if anything in the past month and a half except at the goodwill-a pair of Bill Blass skinny black jeans size 10 tall (which I wore black Friday and yesterday shopping!) and a robe I found when dropping off some things off a few weeks back. It just comes in spurts.

So here goes the confession ...I bought 25 articles of clothes in the past 2 days (26if you count the $4.40 dress with free shipping from Kohl.com yesterday morning.) I know it is too much but the deals were so great and the clothes look so good on I couldn't resist. It is still new to me that I can buy normal clothes off the rack and they fit. Today everything from JC Penny's was marked down to $1.97 nice spring and summer clothes. I spent $19.10 and saved $236.27. I bought 3 pair of capris - white black and brown- one pair was originally $42 and nice tops, some I can wear for business under jackets and some casual tops too.

With the sales items I bought in September and the last 2 days. I have replaced my complete summer wardrobe from size 18-20 to size 10-12. On one hand I need to have the smaller size clothes and it is great to get them all now in the winter at huge discounts. I gave away all of my big clothes so I have to keep on the program if I want to leave the house clothed. But on the other hand it feel excessive and a bit compulsive.

Golden Corral

The Golden Corral is what is wrong with the American diet. I knew I shouldn't have gone there. But I was on the slippery slope and couldn't help myself. We were driving back from Ohio and as a family couldn't decide where to eat in Galipolis, just before crossing into West Virginia. There wasn't a lot to choose from, so for some unknown reason I thought that the best choice. I was very wrong.

The food quantity is very high and the quality very low. Enough said. I finished first and walked the parking lot to get some steps in. Once we got in the car I started to feel ill. My stomach hurt all the way back to NC. I told my family to never let me do it again. Every time I eat there (once every 1-2 years) I leave saying I don't ever need to do that again. And then I am there doing the same damage.

Well I have recovered from the over eating and drinking in Ohio including the Golden Corral, and by some miracle I am down 1.6 pounds in the past week. For the past 2 days I am back at it on my diet and exercising. I got in over 17,000 steps yesterday. Today is the beginning of week 40 of this program and tonight is my 9th month assessment (weigh in and surveys). I am feeling pretty good about my progress and my ability to make it through the holidays.

(For those who are not familiar with Golden Corral like my family in Mpls- it is an all you can eat buffet of buffets with everything under sun- Something like 20 main courses, 20 side dishes, a huge salad bar, grilled meats, soups, ice cream plus 30 dessert choices. They have everything from pizza to tacos to pot roast to fresh rolls, grilled pork chops, mini cheese burgers, mac and cheese, greens, fried clam strips, popcorn shrimp, fresh baked cookies, etc etc etc.)

Black Friday

Couldn't write yesterday. Was at Kohl's shopping at 5 am and saved 75% off on my total bill. The went to visit dear dear fiends in Columbus for the day. We are in Dayton, Ohio for Thanksgiving and it has been non stop eating and drinking. I brought my scale and have weighed my self daily but it is not pretty. BUt it has been great to see my son and his family, especially the 3 grand babies.

Today we drive back and I will get my Christmas decor out and wrap a bunch of presents. I am planning on making pumpkin bread, cookies, fudge and buckeyes for gifts this year. The gaining season begins. I will go out now and walk to get in steps before we leave for the 9 hour drive home. Starting today I write my food down again.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for all of the wonderful blessing in my life but today I want to focus on one particular blessing this year for this blog. My dad was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in July. Diabetes scares me. The fear of it keeps me on my diet.

Diabetes is the 7 th leading cause of death in the US and "Among those age 50 and older, diabetic men lived an average of 7.5 years less than men without diabetes, and diabetes reduced women's life expectancy by an average of 8.2 years. Life expectancy free of cardiovascular disease was reduced by 7.8 years in men and 8.4 years in women with diabetes." (from ScienceDaily June 12, 2007)

I am sooooooooo very thankful and proud that my dad has attacked his type 2 diabetes. He has lost almost 50 pounds, is working out regularly and has no symptoms of diabetes anymore. I couldn't be more thankful because I know that this means I will have my daddy around a lot longer in my life. I love you Dad and today am so thankful for you in my ( and my family's) life/ lives and the many years to come.

Triglycerides

Every year my doctor takes blood and analyzes my Lipid panel, which is cholesterol and triglycerides. The past 2 years my triglycerides were 241 and 267. Normal is less than 150.

My cholesterol levels haven't been above 200 combined, but my good cholesterol (HDL) was too low and my bad cholesterol (LDL) was to high. I found out today that there is an inverse relationship between good cholesterol and triglycerides. No wonder.

I got my blood work results yesterday and my triglycerides are down to 98 ( at 63% drop or I was 272% higher last year than this year!! ) My LDL is about the same but my HDL (good) is up 27%. What a difference a year makes. Seeing the triglycerides number way down is the greatest reward. If I am honest I think that is what scared me into getting really serious about the weight loss. I was on a fast track to type 2 diabetes and I knew it. Diabetes runs in my Dad's family and I was solidly pre-diabetic. No more.

Hair Lost and Found

My hair has been coming out in clumps in the shower for months. It stopped for a while and has started again. I got my hair cut yesterday which I do about once a year whether I need it or not. My stylist said that hair loss was normal with rapid weight loss and then I found this at health-emark.com:

"Hair Loss: This is also a typical short term effect of weight loss surgery. Hair loss in rapid weight loss plans generally occurs due to reduced in take of proteins. Following weight loss surgery, hair loss starts occurring in the fourth and fifth month. This results from the shedding of your hair follicles. With reduced protein intake your body sacrifices hair that is made from proteins to make the little protein available to more important body functions. It especially pronounced in weight loss surgery as these individual have extremely low protein diets.Fortunately once your nutrition goes back to normal and you provide enough dietary protein, the hair loss stops and your hair thickness goes back to normal. " (thankfully)

I know I am not alone in this which helps. Also, I found out that the shorter hairs near my temple which look a bit like some one cut a lock of hair is actually new spontaneous growth. My body decided to start to grow hair in a place it didn't before. Very weird. I have a short bob now, a bit shorter than expected but nice. It will grow out well and will accentuate my curls.

Hunger

1.02 billion people on our planet experience chronic hunger, about one sixth of all humanity. How can we live in world where this is possible? So I think of these people as I struggle with a disease of affluence. That I worry about eating to much when so many do not have enough.

In this country there are soup kitchens that feed the hungry. I volunteer at one and I can tell you that the food is good and nutritious. There is always fresh fruit, fresh vegetables and green salad in addition to main courses, bread and desserts. (The bread and desserts which come largely from Trader Joe's and Whole Foods) There are also food shelves where people can get groceries. I have never been hungry in the true sense of the word. We did get crates of free food bulk cheese I remember in the 70's. I could have gotten free lunch at school but preferred to pack my own.

Be grateful this week as you stuff your self on Thursday, that you can and think about how blessed we are to have food on the table and to never go without. So in my own twisted way I will be grateful for my weight loss struggle. I could literally be starving.

Thanksgiving Tips

Here's how to slim down your Thanksgiving meal.

1. No Green bean casserole. For your green vegetable try Brussels sprouts or broccoli. Spray with Pam, season salt and garlic powder oven roast for 45 min to one hour. Or steam fresh green beans, serve with I Cant Believe It's Not Butter spray.

2. No candied yams. Just bake the yams and enjoy with out butter or with I Cant Believe It's Not Butter spray.

3. Turkey- White meat only. No skin.

4. Gravy- Use fat free stock and flour mixed in water only, not rue, to thicken. Pour off the fat and use the dark part stuck to the pan (de-glazed with stock) to flavor the gravy.

5. Mashed potatoes- Use fat free sour cream and fat free turkey stock to make, not butter or cream. Substitute cauliflower for half of potatoes.

6. Dressing - add no fat, use bread cubes (not croutons) or corn bread, cook vegetables like celery, onion and green pepper in fat free turkey stock add to bread. Season to taste, I use poultry seasoning, season salt and pepper. Spray pan with Pam and spray Pam on top. Bake.

7. Have a green salad with spray dressing.

8. Cranberries- Boil fresh cranberries, sweeten with splenda and add to sugar free orange jello. Or just eat the regular jelly like I do- eat less and count the calories.

9. See pumpkin pie alternatives below.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember all the blessing you have to be thankful for.

Positive Self Talk

The diet sabotage is coming from focusing on the negative. Shift and change your mind. Why do I eat/ over eat knowing what the results will be? I am a very intelligent woman and I know when I am eating more than I am burning and I do it anyway. Why??? In the past I have known when I was over eating on a regular basis and I remember thinking "am I trying to gain as much weight as possible?" I think it happens when I feel bad about myself, frustrated, tired and when things feel a bit out of control.

Something shifts and I just stop caring for a minute or more. I eat unconsciously. I am wondering about the psychology behind why people are heavy. I think my self-sabotaging behaviors are all symptoms of a self-image that’s inconsistent with present results. Emerson once wrote, “Of what use to make heroic vows of amendment if the same old lawbreaker is to keep them?" Jesus taught us that it is folly to put new wine into old bottles or a patch new material on an old garment. Maybe I haven't change that much.

I am trying to change my self image by driving my Jag and getting out my (mouton) fur coat from college, with moderate success. I have been "pleasingly plump", "sack of potatoes" and "pumpkin"my whole life, while my sister was "skinny mini" and "princess". It is a hard thing to change the vision of myself that was put there so long ago. I know rationally that I look good but in my heart I don't feel it some days and I comfort myself with food. Until the inside matches the outside this will continually be a struggle for me.

I will write down the body image I want and fake it until I make it. (As my wise minister says, "act as if") I will put the body image I want in my gratitude journal, make a daily gratitude for my body and put myself on prayer list to love my body and not abuse it with wrong food or over eating. Treat it as sacred. My body is the temple where my soul lives. The food I eat and the exercise I do, the offerings.

Grandma's Booty Tricks

I had a long and wonderful conversation with my grandma yesterday. She will be 90 in May, has short term memory issues according to my step mom, but is always just great and herself whenever we talk.

I told her about my weight loss and my doctors visit. She has a few tips for me on toning and firming. She called them isometrics and mentioned that is was the Jane Fonda exercise.

1. While walking, every ten step hold stomach firm (core) for ten steps holding breath. Walk ten steps normally, then repeat.

2. The one I really liked was how to keep your bottom high. "Clench and release through out the day and no one will ever know. As you lose weight your bottom won't sag."

Gotta love booty tips from grandma!

Annual Physical

I had my annual Dr appointment today and for the first time in long time I was actually looking forward to the appointment. I knew that my doctor would be impressed and she was.

My heart rate and pulse rate were very low, my blood pressure was 106/88. I weighed 38 pounds less than I did last year at this time which was 10 pounds lighter than the year before.

We are both looking forward to seeing the results of my blood work. The past 3-5 years my triglycerides/ blood sugar and cholesterol have been creeping up. My good cholesterol is very low and bad is high and the total has been within acceptable range but a concern because of the good being too low.

Compared to a year ago when she said I was quite healthy given my weight, this year I am 10 times healthier- my words not hers. I have all but stopped drinking alcohol, am exercising very regularly and eating much better including the daily snickers.

The results, imperceptible day by day, are huge year by year. I can't help but feel great about my body today. What a difference a year makes.

Pumpkin Pie

I have to make a pumpkin pie for my husband to take into work tomorrow for a holiday pot luck. I will do so in a bit, but I thought I'd tell you about 2 options to really cut calories for the holidays. Instead of pumpkin pie try pumpkin custard or pumpkin mousse.

Pumpkin custard
(a reduced calorie version of crustless pumpkin pie)

Two cups Pumpkin
2 eggs
1 cup skim milk
10 packets of sweetener
1T Cinnamon
1 t cloves

Spray glass or ceramic pan with pam and bake like you would a pie. About one hour at 350.
Calories seven servings- total 350 calories or 50 calories per serving. Top with whipped cream, add 20-30 calories

Pumpkin Fluff

1 large can pumpkin
1 8 oz. low fat whipped topping
1 box fat free vanilla or butterscotch pudding
Pumpkin pie spice to taste

Mix together and refrigerate. 50 calories per half cup serving.

You can have your pie and eat it too. Just stay away from the high calorie ones and especially the crusts.

Quiting Smoking Was Easier

I just got an email form my mom saying that she caught up on my blog and hadn't realized how hard this was for me. My response was that this is way harder than quiting smoking. This is by far the toughest thing I have ever done. I have lost 45-50 pounds depending on the day, and it was not by accident or minor changes in my life.

This has been an all consuming mission that has taken extreme focus, determination and really hard work. I have over hauled my whole life. From my spiritual practices, my time management and most extremely what ever I put in my mouth. I have to be in the present every moment to be aware. No unconscious living or eating allowed. Planned meals, snacks, beverages and scheduled exercise.

No part of this is easy or enjoyable. (No part of the process other than the results). I know I look 100% better; I have confidence that I haven't had in years. It is hard to remember that when I want a cookie. Tonight I have a cocktail party for work to go to and I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Dreading the hard choices that I will have to make to keep on my plan. The wine and food (free!) that will be there to tempt me. It is every minute of every day and it is never easy. Yesterday was free night for veterans at Golden Corral. My husband is a Vietnam vet and we have gone with friend for the past 5 or so years for this night. I couldn't go because I can't trust my self at huge buffet like that and I wont have a good time if I can't eat what I want. I didn't go and it was the right choice, but a hard choice.

I used to say I was great at quitting smoking. I do it all the time. I just wasn't great at staying quit. Well after many tries, I quit cold turkey with my husband and we haven't smoked since. After a year I never even thought about it and now the thought of a cigarette turns my stomach. It will never be that way for me and my weight. A year later, and I could go back to my old ways of over eating and drinking tomorrow, (or even tonight, right now!)

Weekend Effect

I am so glad that it is Monday. The house is quite and I am back on my diet after it getting completely derailed over the weekend. I am up 5 pounds from my lows. How can that be??

The 'weekend effect" is well documented. Washington University in St Louis did a study and participants had a steady dip in weight Monday through Thursday and then no weight loss Friday through Sunday. Everyone cheats on the weekends.

Do how do you manage around the weekends? Step up the exercise. Next weekend I will double exercise rather than giving myself a break. Plan and count the calories. Maybe a protein powder shake for breakfast and lunch on the weekends to allow for more calories later in the day when hubby wants to go out or party.

I keep expecting this to get easier. That one day it wont be a struggle. I don't see that happening yet and I just can't see it on the horizon. So I slug it out day after day, fighting with the hungry pig inside that keeps wanting.

Zen of Weight Loss

I have adopted several spiritual practices that have helped me on this journey. The Zen has been in the practices that to me seem like meditations:

1. Weekly yoga and Pilate's that integrates my mind, body and spirit.
2. Planning my food and writing down all I eat. I am in the present, focused and observant of my choices.
3. Daily weighing.
4. Walking in nature, especially by water I find to be very spiritual.
5. Writing this Blog.

This weight loss journey has been like a labyrinth. A spiritual journey to my center. "Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love." Caroline Adams

If I remember that I am exactly where I need to be and follow the path, knowing it is the right one and it will lead me back to the world with a greater understanding of who I am at my center.

To Dye or Not to Dye

That is the question I have been struggling with for the past few months. I used to have a nice subtle gray streak on the right side and I thought it looked striking. And then a bit came in on the left and it looks a bit bride of Frankenstein.

Through this weight loss I have started losing hair. My very, very thick hair has started thinning. Coming out in clumps in the shower. I think it has slowed down a bit but it freaks me out. I have read on the Internet that it can be associated with extreme weight loss. I am not worried since I start out with twice as much hair as anyone I know except my mom. I am more hair focused than I have been in the past. Thinking about what type of a doo the thin me wants.

I want to go lighter- light chestnut brown, no gray and maybe dry blow drying my hair and seeing how I look with straight hair for a change. So I sit here with the dye in hair waiting the 25 minutes I need to let the color set, excited and nervous about how it will turn out. My husband said he didn't want me to dye my hair because he doesn't want to dye his. He looks distinguished. I think I will look better this way. Maybe next time I will leave the streak gray and not dye that part.

New Spin on Calorie Math

I do not like spin class. I do not get a rush after the class is over. My only joy is that I have burned over 300 calories and can watch the calorie count go up as I work my butt off (literally- I have almost no butt now!)

On Veteran's Day I ate like there was no tomorrow and that nothing counted. I realized that I need a new kind of calories math. Now, before eating I will consciously calculate how many minutes on the bike it takes to burn off what I am putting in my mouth and decide if it is worth it.

I burn 300 calories in 45 minutes, that is 15 minutes on the dreaded spin bike to burn every 100 calories. I've really got to want it to make it worth that price.

7 p.m. Cut Off

It is 9:40 p.m. and I ate my last morsel (snickers) at just before 7 p.m. It is the late snacking that is killing my diet. I know that I shouldn't and then I just snack a little. I also know that it is the difference between losing and not. Those last 2-300 calories.

I am done. This is something that I can do through the holidays too. I can cut off the food and turn into a pumpkin at 7. It will not be fun, but it will be effective. So from now on I eat my 1500 calories before 7 and if I can't stand it and am starving then I need to drink a bunch of water and go to bed.

So now I will go into the kitchen and drink a bunch of water and then go to bed. Goodnight.

Sweeteners Exposed

High fructose corn syrup (HFCS) has gotten a very bad rap. It has been linked to all sorts of evil. I used to work for Cargill in the Sweetener division at several corn milling plants, so I have direct knowledge of which I write. The starch in field corn is broken down into slurry, then to corn syrup (glucose) and through enzyme reactions changed to dextrose. The 2 are mixed to get the desired sweetness, 55 Fructose is the same sweetness as sugar syrup and thus is used to replace sugar in food and beverages.

Sugar, honey and HFCS are all similar in calories per gram and all cause the same bad results like diabetes and weight gain if over consumed. The reason that HFCS is preferred is that it is cheaper than cane sugar in the US to protect the beet farmers. This is not the case in Mexico or Cuba where sugar is cheaper and so they use sugar to sweeten their soft drinks - mostly. Dextrose is sweeter per gram than HFCS and is used to reduce calories. Using dextrose would be a way to get the same sweetness with less calories and I am not sure why it hasn't caught on. It would save a ton of weight for the masses.

Then there are the non caloric sweeteners- saccharin made from methyl benzene (a solvent), NutraSweet/aspartame, spleenda/ suralose and stevia a natural plant extract. They are all bad as far as I can tell except stevia which has only recently been allowed to be sold as a supplement NOT as food additive most likely due to lobby pressures. Anyone can grow or sell stevia- there are no patents.

When I was growing up there was a book Sugar Blues about how bad sugar is for you and that it is an additive drug. That our bodies are not made to break down refined sugar because the other things we need to process the sugar are lost in the refining process. I am an addict and today again I couldn't layoff the sweets. I may need to wean myself off the snickers and get the sugar and sugar substitutes out of my diet because they all are unhealthy - maybe stevia is OK but I am not sure. I need to stop with the 3 diet sodas a day and the chocolate and refined sugar. I think it is making it harder for me to stay on my plan. It is like a drug the more I have the more I want a little more the next day etc. Jan 1 I stop. (I just can't see doing that through the holidays.)

Salt

I love salt and salty things and many people have recommended that I reduce my salt intake. I will not. My blood pressure is low to normal and there are not any other health risks that I know of associated with excess salt consumption. I figure if I am craving salt then I need salt. I sweat a lot more than I used to and I think that I am loosing a lot more salt, which in turn needs to be replenished.

A very low sodium/ salt diet will allow you to lose weight very quickly because you are loosing water. Salt makes you retain water. Once you eat salt again, the weight comes right back. There are people that say it makes you thirsty and hungry and you will eat more, or that it makes you store more fat. I am not buying it. I subscribe to the calories in and calories out school of thought.

I will continue to shake on the salt and enjoy my salty food, as long as I am counting the calories it should come out fine. However, I do have my annual physical coming up next week and I may cut back on the salt for a day or 2 before just for a temporary weight dip. I know it won't be a real weight loss if it is just water and that I will put it back on, but that is OK. Just another part of the mind games I play with my self. The annual weigh-in is an important mile stone for me and I really want to be below 180.

Under the Weather

I woke up with a morning sore throat and didn't want to get out of bed. I forced myself to go to the sportsplex for a walk on the treadmill with incline and then a 50 minute swim work out with hard core athletic friends. By the time I got on the treadmill the sore throat was gone and I felt better all day.

This is my pattern in the winter, so it must be starting. The low grade cold/ scratchy throat that doesn't turn into anything. I feel fine most of the day. Here's what I need to do:
1 Drink lots of water
2 Take vitamins (plus extra vitamin C and air raiders)
3 Get plenty of rest
4. Stay warm- going from inside to outside It is during the change of seasons that it effects me most.
5. Stop eating over it. I think I need to eat to feel better. That is my M.O. I could never remember if it was "starve a cold and feed a fever" or the other way so I always ate.

So I will bundle up while helping out at church to collect parking money for the Men's UNC Basketball game tonight, I will take my vitamin C and air raiders, I will go to bed early and drink lots of water to stay healthy. I won't over eat about feeling a little under the weather.

Day of Rest

We had a big dinner party last night and I am tired. I blew off church to clean up the kitchen after a 10 course Chinese dinner for 15 fellow Carleton alums. After cleaning and putting the house back together I went back to bed for a nap. I have basically done nothing today. A day of rest. I am tired and have been making poor food choices because of lack of sleep.

"According to the National Sleep Foundation, the average woman gets only six and a half hours of sleep per night. Chronic sleep deprivation can have a variety of effects on the metabolism and overall health. Inadequate sleep:
1 Interferes with the body's ability to metabolize carbohydrates and causes high blood levels of glucose, which leads to higher insulin levels and greater body-fat storage.
2 Drives down leptin levels, which causes the body to crave carbohydrates.
3 Reduces levels of growth hormone--a protein that helps regulate the body's proportions of fat and muscle.
4 Can lead to insulin resistance and contribute to increased risk of diabetes
5 Can increase blood pressure
6 can increase the risk of heart disease
Even in young, healthy people, a sleep deficit of three to four hours a night over the course of a week has a triple-whammy effect on the body. Just this limited amount of sleep deficit interfered with the ability to process carbohydrates, manage stress, and maintain a proper balance of hormones. In just one sleep-restricted week, the study participants had a significant loss in their ability to process glucose and an accompanying rise in insulin. Insulin levels were so high, in fact, that the men were considered to be in a pre-diabetic state." (from Sleep More, Lose Weight: Getting Enough Snooze Time May Be The Best Diet Secret of All By Mary Shomon, About.com Updated: September 07, 2007)

Bottom line I should not have stayed up until midnight last night watching that movie and having that beer, winding down, because I had to pay for it twice today- tired and unproductive all day and making bad food choices. I wasn't even motivated to exercise on this gorgeous day. Now I know that getting my beauty rest is critical to staying on my plan.

Self Esteem

I am a very practical and frugal person and have never been one for luxury items. But now, after losing more than 50 pounds I am drawn to luxury items and treats for myself. I think it is related to the weight. I felt I didn't deserve expensive luxury items and now some how things have shifted; I feel a need to treat my self to some nice expensive things every once in a while.

Perhaps this shift has occurred because I have taken ownership of my life and am becoming more myself and living authentically. Or that since I am depriving myself on some levels I need to treat myself on others. Psychologically it is an interesting question.

It may be related to self esteem. That is what I have gained from losing 50 pounds. I have always been heavy or plump and I think that damaged my self esteem and then I ate to feel better and gained more weight and lost more self confidence which lead to more weight gain and then you spiral down and are a size 20 for 10 years. The luxury items and feeling that I am worth it, is a reflection of my new self confidence and self esteem. My body image has improved greatly and I have stopped beating myself up for my weight, FINALLY. This is all new behavior for me. Completely out of character. I am coming into a new more powerful stage in my life- I value me.

I am happier than I have been in a long time. "In order to be happy, the study subjects most needed to believe they were autonomous and competent, to have self-esteem and to feel a sense of closeness with others." (From a study of college students in the February '01 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) Getting a Jaguar didn't make me happy or fill a hole in my life. But losing the weight gave me the self esteem I had been lacking and filled up the hole that allowed me to believe I could treat myself to my dream car and that I am valuable.

Daily Weigh-In

There are mixed views on daily weighing. Some people think that due to the fluctuations that you should not weigh daily. Once a week only. I have been weighing daily for about a year now- (except those few months when I went rouge and gained a bunch back) and it is just like with the quality training what you measure improves. If you focus on something and measure it, it will improve. I have lost over 50#s to date and it is due to 3 things primarily: 1500 calories a day, 300+ minutes of exercise per week and weighing myself daily.

This came in my email from SparkPeople.com today: "Sometimes the hardest part of weight loss is keeping it off. It can be daunting to know that within two years, most dieters regain two-thirds of what they lost! But researchers at Brown University Medical School in Providence, Rhode Island studied 291 people (mostly women) who had lost at least 10% of their body weight (an average of 44 pounds) in the previous two years. Participants were given scales (and encouraged to use them daily), as well as different levels of support (either a monthly email, an internet chat group, or face-to-face meetings). At the onset of the study, 40% of the dieters were weighing themselves daily. After 18 months, 65% of those who chatted online and 72% of those who received face-to-face support weighed themselves daily, while those without support weighed themselves less. On top of that, 68% of dieters who did NOT weight-in daily gained five pounds or more over the course of the 18-month study. "

So my advice and now my life time practice will be daily weighing. I do not want to gain any of this back. Over the holiday's we will have a contest through through the UNC program that encourages daily weighing through the holidays. To the extent that we comply, food will be donated to the food bank. I am already planning to take my scale when we travel, no reason for me to miss a single day!

God Bless Us Everyone

The Holiday season is fast approaching. It is almost time for me to get out the Christmas CDs. On the way to meet a friend to walk and spin I called in and won 2 tickets to A Christmas Carol (the play) I knew the answer to the question what was it the last line in the play. "God Bless Us Everyone"

This came after a discussion in the car with my daughter about how impolite the kids at her table in school are. She thought that they didn't like her but it seemed really that it is that they are just not polite, not kind like she is. If we "bless us everyone" we are kind and polite and treat everyone as we would like to be treated.

My intention for the holiday season is to remember the words of Tiny Tim and live by them. "God Bless Us Everyone." To remember the divine in everyone and be polite and patient.
My other intention for the holiday season is to loose another 5 pounds before Thanksgiving down to 178 and maintain 175-179 during the holiday season and start the year at 179 and after Jan 1 get down to 165 by reunion in June.

Mindless Eating

We all do it. A bag of chips gone before you know it. Mindless eating while watching TV, reading the paper, what ever. Last night the session for my weigh in was on mindFUL eating. It is really powerful. Here are the steps:
1. Take 3 deep calming breathes
2. Think about your hunger. Where are you on a scale of 1-7? Are you eating for physical or emotional reasons?
3. Decide what you want to eat. Make a decision. Yes I am going to eat this apple. Think about the apple the color, the origin, inspect it, then prepare to eat the apple.
4. Take a bite, let it sit in your mouth, feel the texture and taste, chew slowly, concentrate, be present in the moment. What is going on in your mind, mouth, body? Swallow and feel the food. Complete the first bit and then take a sip of water and take a second bite, start the process over.

I did this (partly anyway) last night while I was eating alone after my daughter's stage debut in Music Man Jr. Hubby and kid went to Wendy's and I passed for Mexican salad (125 calories) at home. I was famished- it was 7:30 by the time I got home,so I made a huge salad and after eating mindfully I only finished half. I swear if you do this you will eat less, guaranteed. It worked again this morning and at lunch- I had the other half of the salad from last night and didn't finish it again.

If you put down your silverware, take sips of water between bites, completely finish a bite before getting the next one ready, you will eat less. SLOW DOWN. It is just like golf. They say the only thing you have to get used to if you slow down your swing is the ball going further. Same with weight loss, the only thing you have to get used to if you slow down your eating is weight going down further. Live in the present, in the now; don't think about all the other stuff in your life while eating. Enjoy it, let be like a prayer or a meditation. Be aware or the experience of eating you will enjoy it more.

Coffee, tea or soda

I love a good cup of coffee and I really like an OK cup of coffee and I will drink a medorcre cup of coffee all day long. I love the smell, the color with a bit of milk and the feel of the warm cup in my hand. Wait, hold that thought I am going to nuke the left over decaf from this morning to enjoy while I write.......There that is much better. Yes I mircowave coffee and think it is just fine. I know this will horrify a few of my dear friends. I am not a coffee snob, just a lover.

Tea is OK, I like Earl Grey and jasmine tea every once in a while. When I lived in Amsterdam and Beijing I drank tea a lot more. In China I had Jasmine tea all the time and even white tea if I didn't want the caffeine (hot water). What is it about having a nice cup of something hot that is loved world wide? Is it the caffeine? Not for me because I am almost completely off of caffeine now for more than a month and the only side effect is that I have been sleeping much better. No more need for Tylenol PM (actually it is just the benedryl that puts me out)

I drink a lot of diet soda too. Big K diet root beer at $2 a 12 pack is my current favorite, Diet caffeine free Dr Pepper is next on my list but a diet coke is great too especially with lime. Tea has no calories and coffee does, why am I still drinking so much coffee? And then there is water. I drink a lot of water too for thirst, not for pleasure.

Coffee has 2-5 calories per 8 oz cup and tea has none (0-2) neither does diet pop but you have the artificial sweetener. Water is by far the best choice, but I will keep my coffee with skim and I figure it is about 70 calories a day with half a cup of skim and a 10 cup (6 oz cups) pot. I will drink more water going forward because I know it is best for me.

MOJO

I have lost my mojo. I need a new motivation. I haven't stayed out off the Halloween candy or the cookies. I haven't counted every calorie. I haven't been diligent about my exercise. Again I am face to face with the slippery slope. Why does is always sneak up on me and slap me in the face.

I know how to get out of it, but I am not sure I am ready. Weight loss is hard. Harder some days than others. Impossible some days. So what is the plan? First, stop eating cookies then do all the rest of the stuff that I know works. I think I need to review:

1. Plan all meals and snacks- max 1500 calories a day. That really means MAX 1500.
2. Schedule exercise 60 minutes per day
3. Drink water before during and after meals
4. Take vitamins, fiber and calcium supplements
5. Have a reward system that works.

I am not motivated by the clothing allowance anymore, so I need to change my motivational reward system. I bought my Jaguar today. A 2005 champagne on champagne S series. It is spectacularly beautiful. My reward for losing 50 pounds. Maybe I can't drive the car unless I am on the plan and working it.

Mojo is the only way off the slippery slope and following the plan is the mojo.

Clean Plate Club

"Finish your food, don't you want to be a member of the clean plate club? There are children starving, finish your dinner..." We all heard this growing up and I realized I am breaking the habit of being in the clean plate club when I go out to eat. This past week I did something new. Something I don't remember doing. Not finishing my food and not asking for a go box. There was an ice cream brownie dessert at a business meeting. I had a few bites (which I accounted for) and sent the rest back to be thrown away. Then there was the wild rice that came with my shrimp and scallops and I ate a small part of it and sent the rest back. My husband and daughter didn't want it and I wouldn't eat it later.

This may seem minor to some, but throwing away and wasting food is a big button for me. I hate to see food wasted so I sacrifice myself, my weight and health so that food is not wasted. No more. Better in the trash than in my tummy on the inside and then on my tummy on the outside.

I still don't waste food at home. I am consciously making smaller portion for myself and the family and I eat a lot of leftovers for lunch but the portions are small. So I am still a member of the clean plate club at home when I have measured the portions out. Just not in restaurants and not cleaning off my families plates if they leave food. Better for the dog than for me.

Halloween

How did we ever get to the point where as a nation we all thought is was a good idea to give away tons of free candy and to teach our kids that getting a huge bag of snickers (or you favorite candy) was the goal of the holiday. I think that we have collectively lost our minds.

The pagan holiday was to honor the dead and somehow it became all about snickers. I remember as a child eating tons of candy on Halloween and be amazed at how soon it was all gone. Probably within a week I was down to the hard candy or anything with out chocolate. We all hated the houses that gave out apples or popcorn balls.

I live way out in the country now. When your driveway is 1/3 a mile long you don't get any trick or treaters so I don't buy lots of candy except for my daily snickers of course. The best part of Halloween for me is getting my fun size snickers on sale. My daughter is spending the night at a friends and they are going to a church trunk or treat and we are going to another friend's house for dinner. I am wearing my Halloween shirt (size 2x that just hangs off me) and that is the extent of my celebration. I will try to avoid my daughter's bag of goodies when she comes home tomorrow. Hopefully she'll eat all the good things tonight so I don't even have to be tempted.

The Ultimate Reward

What is the thing that you have wanted since high school and never thought you would have? What is too extravagant, too expensive, too showy, ostentatious, just too much? I have always wanted to have Jaguar. I think they are beautiful and I want one. I am still on the cusp of losing 50 pounds but want to get a reward for myself, because I deserve it.

When I was 50-70 pounds over weight I didn't feel that I deserve to have such a treat. My self opinion kept me heavy and kept me depriving myself of luxuries to a certain extent. I am starting to see through this. The over eating was a protection and a barrier in life from living fully. I feel that through the process of getting healthy I have been able to see through the fog and live today.

So in the spirit of living today, I am in the market for a used Jaguar. There is a beautiful 2005 dark grey with tan leather interior with 35k miles for about $12,000. So I may be making a trip to NYC to buy the car of my dreams. Or I will keep dreaming and fall in love with another one. Driving a Jaguar is like good friends not recognizing me. The weight coming off has transformed me and shifted me into a life I never felt I could have.

Not hungry or full?

There is a world of difference between not being hungry and being full. For me it probably about 300-500 calories in a given meal. In this culture we are trained to eat until we are full. I remember as a child being asked if I was full and I would eat until I was full. I ask my daughter if she is full. The message is that you need to feel your tummy is full to stop eating.

Let's change the language and say, "are you still hungry?" That's what we are after. Not full but not hungry anymore. We should eat because we are hungry, for nourishment. Not for entertainment, social reasons or to get full and uncomfortable.

I still like to feel full so I drink a lot of water. If you drink 2-3 glasses of water before a meal you will eat less. I eat a lot of salads and cabbage -usually before the rest of the meal. Lower calories, more bulk. But the real shift that needs to take place is that I eat only when I am hungry after a few glasses of water and I eat until I am not hungry.

Spin Class

I went to spin class yesterday for the first (maybe second) time in months. I have not been a regular since spring. My friend practically dragged me there kicking and screaming, (at least complaining loudly and making snide comments through out the class) Eddie sure kicked my butt, but I am glad I did it and have now put it in my schedule for the rest of the month. I will add the Tues 9 a.m. spin class to my exercise routine .

Walking in nature is meditative and has helped to keep me loosing weight. I really enjoy the waking. Spin class, not so much. My fear is that with only walking I will plateau as more weight comes off. I also do not feel my fitness level increasing anymore. Adding the high intensity work out once a week will help (I hope).

I have also put weights in my car to carry in a back pack when walking, and I have smaller weights in the front seat to use to do curls while waiting at stop lights. I will get the strength training some how. I am frustrated by the weight fluctuations up 4 pounds a few days ago and then the 4 pounds vanish over the next 3 days. I am not sure what happens but it scares me into shaking up my routine. Maybe that is the point. The lesson from the diet gods....

Another reason to go to spin- one of the women came up after the class and said,"Wow, you have lost a lot of weight. What have you been doing?"... This weight loss thing is all about vanity. Keeps me focused and on track. The ego is a beautiful thing if you know how to manipulate it to your total advantage.

Hungry Girl

I just discovered Hungry Girl and signed up for the daily email. I first read about her in the Sunday New York Times Magazine food special focus about a month ago and then saw her a few weeks ago on Rachel Ray for a minute or two. She is a genius. She is doing all the things that I have been trying to do and muddling my way through. Taking high calories things and making them low cal. Fabulous.

A big tip I got from seeing her on TV was to use Dijionaise by Hellman's instead of mayo. I am going to buy some next time I am grocery shopping. From the web site she mentions "better 'n peanut butter" with 100 calories per 2 tablespoon. Until now my strategy for PBJ was to have one or 2 TEASPOONS (30-60 calories) instead of 2 tablespoons (180 calories) to cut the calories and for the jam Smucker's has a very low cal Spenda cherry jam I like. I will look for the better 'n peanut butter at Trader Joe's. These two tips are genius if I like the taste of them. Most of other other tips I knew, but I am intrigued enough to be on her daily email and keep the tips at the front of my mind. Anything that can help to keep me on track I will take.

Bottom line in my diet is that I can have anything I want just not as much of it as I want. So if I have a hankering for something I can have it. If I can reduce the calories by half or more all the better. Then I have more calories for something else like snickers.

Chocolate

I can not get enough chocolate these days. It is wrecking my diet and weight loss. Why am I craving chocolate all the time?

"Chocolate is the most-craved food, especially among women. But the fact is, no one really knows what causes chocolate cravings. It could be hormonal imbalances. Or, it could be simply a cultural or learned behavior. Feeling a little blue? Must be chocolate time! Want to say “I love you”? A heart-shaped box of chocolates should do the trick. Another speculation for chocolate cravings is that chocolate has an unusual mix of physiologically active compounds. First, it’s high in both sugar and fat, releasing chemicals in the brain, such as serotonin, endorphins and galanin, that help lift our mood and help us feel satisfied. Other compounds, including theobromine and phenylethylamine, also might produce positive physiological effects, but strong evidence for this has not been firmly established for the amounts present in chocolate. An ounce and a half of milk chocolate contains 225 calories and 13.5 grams of fat, more than half of which is saturated fat. So if you submit to your chocolate craving, be sure to do so in moderation." (From Chow Line - a service of Ohio State University Extension and the Ohio Agricultural Research and Development Center)

I start out the day fine and then around 3-4 pm I start on the slippery slope and then I end up over 2000 calories for the day. This yo-yo has to stop. I hope that tomorrow will be better. I will plan my meals and snacks down to the calorie and perhaps going for a walk instead of eating chocolate will work. I had this under control for so long with my one fun size snickers a day and now something is not working.

Gratitude

The past 2 days my lesson has been: be grateful. I am feeling a sense of gratitude for the people in my life and the gifts I have been given. I am grateful for my imperfections and my successes.

Last night as reflecting on working at the IFC (shelter) the phrase, "there but for the grace of god go I" came to me. I believe in making good choices and working hard but I also believe that we all aren't given the same deck to deal with. I am grateful for the hand I was dealt and hope that I can use my gifts to the greatest good.

It starts with appreciating what you have and where you are right now. My new spiritual practice that I am adding in my life is a daily gratitude journal to go along with my food journal.

Incognito

Today 2 (TWO!) of my very good friends didn't recognize me. I met a friend to walk early and another for lunch. How really bazaar! It as though I am going through my life now disguised as a thin person. This happened a few months ago with another very good friend who saw me going into the library and she wasn't expecting to see me so that makes more sense. Today it was people I was meeting and they didn't think that thin person was me. I am incognito.

It makes me feel weird. I haven't seen the changes because they are so gradual. This proves the picture in my head isn't always reality. I didn't feel very thin this morning after gaining 1 pound yesterday and going over my calories goal with 400 extra chocolate calories I couldn't resist. Must be PMS. I was famished all day yesterday and couldn't keep out of the chocolate after dinner. I had to go to bed at 8:30 to stop.

Today has been better. I worked at the IFC (soup kitchen) and didn't sample any of the desserts and feel better and more in control. I am not feeling very thin so I am glad that it was today that my dear friends didn't recognize me. A great help to my fragile ego after falling on the slope yesterday.

Bible

I have a bible that I take everywhere I go. I can quote from it, it is dog eared and book marked for my favorite pages. This weight loss journey has caused a shift in my spiritual practices and I find that instead of King James I carry around the Calorie King bible.

This good book is truly amazing. It has almost everything I have ever or will ever eat in it. A key to keeping with in my calorie allowance everyday is knowing how many calories are in what I am eating. With US labeling laws I don't have to look up everything, but it is still in there. As a part of the UNC study we were all given these calorie counter books on the first day. It has alcoholic drinks, baking ingredients, bars, beverages, bread etc etc. Happy to say the most used parts for me are the fruits, veggies and meat.

At the back instead of gospels there are calories for 200 fast-food and chain restaurants. At my finger tips I can tell you how many calories in taco or happy meal. It is amazing and has changed my life. I would not have lost the weight if I didn't have the exact calorie count for what I eat. The weight watchers points is close, based I think on 50 or so calories per point. I found it too imprecise and I think it is easier to stay on with the points but I didn't loose much weight. Maybe I ate too many things with zero points. On my plan everything except hot sauce, salt, sweetener, diet pop and horseradish has calories and they all count.

Vacation Planning

I love to go on vacations. I vacation more than anyone I know. My husband accuses me of going on vacation just to eat and drink as much as I want. In the past my pattern has been lose weight, eat well, exercise, do my 5 things and then go on vacation and it all went out the window. No more. I am 184.2 this morning, my lowest weight in forever, and it is just after a mini vacation.

Here's how to do it. How to keep on your plan even when going on vacation.

1. Plan- Plan everything in advance and prepare for the tough choices.
2. Bring your bathroom scale with you on on vacation. My new vacation must have accessory, I don't leave home without it.
3. We stay at a lot of condos/ house rentals/ time shares which makes it easy to control the food. If you do this plan the meals in advance and bring the food scale, measuring cups and measuring spoons. If others want to go out to eat or make the food, have a healthy low cal alternative like a TV dinner.
4. In a hotel it is a bit more challenging, but most have a fridge and microwave so you can at least have 2 meals a day and healthy snacks. Try to only go out to eat once per day. (Twice including breakfast, if breakfast is provided and you can choose something that is not over the top in calories.
5. Going to amusement parks is tough or other places where the food choices are pretty much junk. Bring a back pack with water, a sandwich, fruit, granola bar, 100-150 calorie chips/ crackers/ goldfish etc. You will know how many calories you are having and chances are you are eating more filling food for less calories. You will not be starving without any good choices.
6. It is hard for me to eat vegetables on vacation. Make salads in the room or get a salad out and bring your own spray on dressing. You can cook/ steam cabbage in a microwave. You need to bring a cutting board and knife for this option.
7. When going out to eat, only go to places you know you have good alternatives. Check out the menu in advance either in a tourist magazine, online or go walking around where the restaurants area and check out the menus.
8. If you are in a foreign country and have no fridge/ microwave in the room, go to local markets and have picnics for lunch. Buy a yogurt and fruit for breakfast if breakfast is not included with your room.
9. Exercise more than normal. I find I can walk twice as much on vacations. I get in close to 2 hours of walking for exercise or site-seeing a day, plus additional steps for shopping.
10. Write down your calorie plan for the day first thing in the morning. If you want a glass of wine or two in the evening as a part of the whole vacation experience then plan for it. Make other choices earlier in the day.

It is all about planning for the choices. Anticipating and having good solutions. It is not easy. It sure is a lot more fun to go on vacation and be unconscious of how much you are eating and drinking. But that is what got me up to 234, and keep me around that number. I think this is better all around for me - physically and mentally. I don't have the vacation hangover, literally or figuratively. No guilt about over doing it and the slippery slope that follows when I make the vacation slip. Instead there is pride and joy at continued success and staying off the slope.

Lean Cuisine

Lean Cuisine TV dinners are not my idea of great meals. I wouldn't call it cuisine, more like "lean tiny dinner that do in a pinch." On the mini vacation with the mom's, I took Lean Cuisine for my dinners to make it easy on myself. Less prep and clean up, and it worked out great. They are OK, a bit small, but what did I expect for 240-250 calories. The lemon grass chicken and brown rice wasn't that bad actually.

I supplemented the TV dinners with a salad (50 calories with spray on dressing) and one cup of cooked cabbage (30 calories) and topped it off with a low cal pudding (70 calories) so the whole dinner for about 400 calories. It was fine and satisfying. I didn't feel deprived at all. Quite the calorie bargain. Lean cuisine afforded me enough calories to indulge in European chocolates and red wine and not go over my calorie goal.

I am learning how to go on vacation and loose weight at the same time. This is a HUGE step for me. I walked tons, hiking in the mountains and got in over 10,000 steps each day. When were at the beach a few months ago I was able to get more than my 10,000 in each day too.

In addition to the mountain hikes, I also walked around a few malls to get in some steps and retail therapy, spending some of my clothes allowance / reward money for keeping within my calorie goal. I bought the last goal jeans!!!!!!!! Friday, I bought a pair of size 10 long Liz Claiborne jeans at the outlet for $8 before using my $5 gift card for AAA members because I went to one of their outlets earlier in the year. The jeans are definitely a real size 10. Another mom who is a size 10 tried them on they fit- not her favorite fit but a real size 10. I could get them on, I could button them and zip them but I look a bit like a stuffed sausage. Once they fit I am done. These are the last goal pants and today I bought on clearance, a size medium, red, short sleeved button up shirt ($3 JCP) that is too tight, but buttons. Once this top fits I am done. It feels so close. The last goal. It is like I am almost to the top of the mountain.

How Does It Feel?

On a reunion planning call today I mentioned my goal of being a 10 by the 25th reunion, and that I was a 12 and had lost almost 50 pounds. "Wow, how does it feel?" I hadn't thought about that question. I feel no different really. It is like when you are a kid and you have your birthday and they ask, "how does it feel to be 10,13 etc?" Kinda just like it did yesterday when I was 9, 12 etc. It is still the same me, with small imperceivable changes.

The problem with slow gradual weight loss is that you just can't tell. I can feel a difference in my energy level, my fitness and definitely the way the clothes feel. But I look at myself naked in the mirror and it seems to be the same body stepping into the shower as yesterday and all the yesterday's before. I still see the same tummy, it shrunk so slowly I couldn't tell. The same thing happened when I gained the weight. I didn't see it.... Until I saw it on the scale. How can that be? That you can loose and gain 50 pounds and not notice except for how the clothes fit? I must have some kind of crazy perspective.

Upon reflection really trying to see and feel the change, I can say, I feel :
Proud- that I have come this far, that my life is on a healthy path, that I am attractive again.
Light- that I take up less room, move faster and have a healthy glow.
Powerful- I can see and feel my muscles, control my eating and weight, and make good choices.
Confident- if I can do this and stick with it, the hardest thing for me in my life so far, I can do anything.

Namaste

The divine in me honors the divine you. Honoring the divine in others is easy, honoring the divine in me is not. I am compassionate towards others and not so much towards myself. Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves. I need to embrace my imperfection and be kinder to me. It is easy for me to beat up on myself for my imperfections. I need to take care of myself first and love myself where I am.

Put yourself first. "Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others." It is easier to put other's first do for others, be kind to others than to do it for yourself. I just finished the new Dan Brown book -The Lost Symbol which talks about god being in all of us. I believe this, yet I don't act that way. This train of thought started with a friend telling me today that I am too hard on myself. If I can see the divine in others why don't I see it in me. I need to love myself where I am, through my faults, through my weight plateau, through my calorie creep which has stopped my weight loss, through losing my temper, through all the times and places I fall short of perfection. Celebrate the small successes of the bites not taken and the big successes of getting into the size 10s and 12s and losing almost 50 pounds.

Six months ago I thought that my weight was my biggest problems and if I lost 50 pounds everything would be great and all my troubles would be over. I didn't know that it was just the beginning of finding total health. The real problem is not loving myself everyday for everything just the way I am. I am perfect, I am divine and I am everything I need to be just the way I am.

Weekend Get Away

This weekend is our annual mom's weekend. We started a mom's group ten years ago. We got together with small babes every week, we watched each other's kids and each other grow and change. We shifted to once a month dinner or desset for a while when the kids got too big. Then that stopped but we always kept the weekend away. We go away without kids and others and stay at one of the Mom's parents second home over looking Grandfather Mountian. In the past we have done it in January. This year we decided on October and the leaves should be beautiful. We drive up to Boone and have lunch out and shop at Mast General, we hike grandfather mountian and go over to the outlets in Blowing Rock and have a nice dinner out on Saturday night. It is always a grand time with lots of good food and plenty to drink.

I am concerned. I can't do the eating and drinking this time. I realized that this has always been one of those free weekends, where anything goes and none of the calories count. One mom brings a whole pan of blondies/ brownies, another makes killer gimlets and we all indulge. I decided that I need to shift my behavior and still be sensitive not to interfer with the good time of the others.

I will be bringing my food- my whole 1500 calories per day. I will have everything planned out down to the snacks to take on the hike and I am not going out to eat out. I have realized that I really do not enjoy going out to eat anymore. I only do it for other people. I can not control the food or order what I want. It is just not fun having naked fish or chicken and no dessert when I want a big steak, french fries, red wine and cheesecake. Not fun to watch other enjoying a meal that I am not enjoying. So I decided I'd rather not go out. I can stay in and watch cable or read a book, enjoy the mountain air and the beautiful Autumn leaves. We will have our bonding time together without food as the center piece.

In the past, vacations - big or mini have been times of putting on weight, over eating and drinking. This stops now. When on vacation I can still have a great time, enjoy the company of others and not go out to eat and not over eat and over drink. I know it is possible but it is a big shift for me. I think this fear and resistance has been gnawing at me for the past few days bringing me down because I don't want to disappoint others or change my good time behavior.

Choose Your Response

It is not even 8 am and I am having a bad day already. Over slept, gained 2 pounds since yesterday, the TV/radio in the kitchen mysteriously broke overnight, was somehow just not working this morning- no news, no weather. TVs used to last for decades, this under cabinet one we have had for about 4 years. How does a TV/ DVD player/ radio just stop working over night?

The cleaners will be here in minutes and I just want to go back to bed and start the day over. I have a pile of work to do and long list of personal and business things that must get done today. And then there is the weight. The frustration of the scale going in the wrong direction. I know I over did it at the wedding on Saturday, but I was under on my calories yesterday. I know I didn't exercise at all yesterday, but really, 2 pounds?? I have been low energy for at least 2 days.

Suck it up, plan your day, schedule the 90 minutes walk you need to meet your weekly exercise goal. Just got a call from a friend and it brightened my morning already, and she mentioned that I was low energy on Friday also, in "a bit of a funk." I think I am not managing my energy. The day will get better, the 2 pound gain is not real and the rest are only things. I get frustrated when things go different than planned and need to realize that this is always going to happen to a certain extent and I can choose my response to it. I can get mad, eat, drink or shop or I can shrug it off and get on with my day. Life is looking up already.

Just Do It- 5 Things

For years I have known if I did just five things that I would lose weight. They were:

1. Drink water
2. Plan meals
3. Schedule exercise
4. No eating after 7 pm
5. Take supplements

I did this with Atkins, counting Weight Watcher points and now on the UNC plan. When ever I did these things I lost weight. Why didn't it work in the past? Because I stopped doing one or more of the 5 key things that made me successful. Perhaps it was too many things maybe they weren't the right things that I could keep up long term, or it wasn't the right time. Still, for me, these are some of the key behaviors that make me a healthier person. It is just a matter of doing them. We all know what we need to do to be healthier.

The 5 things keep me focused and help me to keep making better choices. Now they are pretty much habits, since I have been doing them so long continually. What are your top 5? Now just do!

On Strike

My freezer is filled to capacity, my pantry is full, my fridge has a little breathing room, but we are set to be fine for at least 2 months if there is a bird flu out break or natural disaster and it drives my husband crazy. So I am going on strike. I am not going bargain hunting for a while. I am taking my self out of the market literally. No grocery shopping for a while for me. My husband can pick up the milk and lettuce and whatever small things we need. I need to break this shopping Jones. It is hard. Today is the last day of turkeys for 69 cents a pound and Gala apples for 99 cents a pound at Kroger. But I need to stop.

Although I have the clothing bank account I think I am consuming too much on that front too. I stayed in my budget last month and bought over 20 things. Too much. So for now I am giving up grocery shopping and after my outlet trip next week for a Mom's weekend I am going to give up clothes shopping for a while. I'm going on a consumption strike unless something is absolutely necessary like wedding wrapping paper and a card for the wedding we are going to this afternoon. I got what was needed and that is all. We have enough of everything. An probably a lifetime supply of office supplies, another thing I can't resist in the fall when school supplies are at a deep discount.

Shopping is like a drug, I get a little rush with the great bargains that I find, but I don't need that crutch. I will try to be more like my BFF she is a buyer vs me as a shopper. When she needs something she goes and gets it. About 20 years ago I asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me. She looked confused, this wasn't something she was familiar with- going to stores for entertainment. No more entertainment shopping. We have enough. My next project will be organizing all the storage and getting rid of more stuff we don't need.

Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?

I watched Oprah yesterday, it was a real treat because I can't usually get ABC since the digital switch. I usually only get NBC and that is only on the TV in the kitchen. The family room TV with rabbit ears gets nothing with the converter so it is only good for DVDs. By chance it was a show about hoarders, something my husband accuses me of. I am nothing like the people on the show but certainly not the Zen Master that he is. I saw Peter Walsh on the show and was reminded of his book: Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? Which says stop watching TV, start eating meals at home at a table, and get rid of clutter in your life. I haven't read the book but I agree with his philosophy. It has worked for me but I am not sure which came first... kinda like the chicken and the egg.

A few quotes from the book:
From page 2, “As a nation we are reveling in an orgy of consumption and it shows no sign of letting up. We can’t get enough of anything. The American mantra has become ‘more is better’ and we are applying that motto with gusto to almost every aspect of our lives. If consuming is good, then consuming more is better.”
From page 47, “The math of weight is the same as that of clutter: You can only have as many books as you have room on your shelves or only the number of shirts that can hang comfortably in your closet; if you eat more calories than your body needs, they will be stored as fat. Of all the possessions in your home, your body should be most treasured. Treating your body with honor and respect means you are treating yourself with honor and respect.” Totally agree.

I don't watch much TV since the digital conversion, I have cut way down my eating out due to my 1500 calories plan and the clutter is going away naturally. Since losing 49.6 pounds since September 1, 2008 I have begun to finally throw away things I have been holding on to for decades because I might want or need it someday. We are storage challenged in our house, no garage, no attic, no basement. We only have closets so I have been creative in my storage. I have gotten rid of my fat clothes and some of my skinny clothes that fit but weren't in style anymore or flattering. I have really cleaned out my closets and tried on everything in there. It works, I love it or it leaves the house. Nothing under the beds anymore. This week I got rid of 2 bags of fabric/ rags and clothes that I was "going to do something with." I kept the fabric for the second quilt I am making for my daughter from her old clothes. (I made one 5 years ago from her baby clothes and receiving blanket and it is treasured) I did not keep the extra scraps that I don't need.

I feel lighter in body and in spirit since losing the almost 50 pounds. I no longer feel the need to keep the stuff around me to insulate me from the world. My wrapper has come off and I can really feel.

Juice Glasses

They don't sell juice glasses anymore when you buy a box of glasses they have been replaced by larger glasses. Who drinks a tiny glass of orange juice anymore anyway? Compared to 20-30 years ago a bottle of Cke used to be 6.5 oz or 85 calories and now a bottle of Coke is 20 oz or 250 calories. A regular order of fries was 2.4 oz and now is 6.9 oz, a cheese burger was 300 calories and is now 590. A bagel was 3 inches in diameter and is now 6 inches in diameter. No wonder I was over 230 pounds! The deck is stacked against everyone and that is why America is so heavy. It is the portion sizes. Normal portions sizes are now super sized. Not just in the fast food restaurants but everywhere, even in our own kitchens. Our juice glasses are bigger, our plates are bigger, a cup of coffee is bigger, a cereal bowl or pasta bowl is much bigger than it used to be and so are our bodies.

What to do? Buy juice glasses at a thrift shop, order the kids meal, use old smaller bowls and use smaller plates. If you have a small portion on a big plate it looks tiny. If you use a smaller plate it looks bigger and is visually a more satisfying meal. When going out for business recently, I had 3 (THREE!) meals from one portion which I would have eaten in one sitting. I ate a third at the meal and took the rest home for 2 separate meals. That just ain't right.

Knowledge is power. If you carry your calorie counter everywhere you go, like I do, you can tell how many calories are in a portion and choose wisely.

Bites Not Taken

Every dollar you do not spend adds to your bottom line. This was a powerful lesson I learned in my early twenties. When I spend money I think, would I rather have that, or the money? This philosophy has served me well and I have been a saver ever since.

It hit me today that the same analogy is true for food. WOW. Every extra snickers I haven't eaten has not added to my bottom and kept me losing weight. It is the late night snacks that I wanted or the glass or 2 of red wine while watching TV or a movie that I didn't have that made all the difference. Would I rather have the snickers or glass of wine OR keep off the almost 50 pounds I have lost and get the last 15-20 off?

Life is about choices and we all have the power to make the right choice if we really understand the cost, the trade offs and the repercussions of our choices. To me this is the absolute simplest way to look at it. Do I want that or do I want to be thin. Do I want that or do I want to be rich. They say you can never be too thin or too rich. I am neither, but I am closer than I was and more importantly I am on the right path.

Three Way Cooking

My husband does not like leftovers and the quantity of food I eat has gone way down so I have been getting more creative with food. Over the weekend we had spaghetti. Actually he had spaghetti with marinara and I had cabbage with marinara. So I had left over marinara sauce. Last night I made eggplant Parmesan and with the left overs from that and the extra eggplant we will have moussaka tomorrow. Marinara 3 ways.

Sunday we had pork roast. The bone is in the pinto beans cooking in the crock pot all day and the meat will go into the moussaka. Pork roast three ways. I will do the same with a whole chicken later in the next week or so. Roast chicken, then left over chicken used in Asian lettuce wraps and the bones boiled for stock for Tom Yum soup.

I figure if I hide the leftovers in new and exciting ways he won't mind and I won't get bored with my meals. On of the great challenges for me is to not get bored with my own cooking. At times I get in a rut and am making the same dull things over and over. So I am trying to spicy it up, be frugal and keep with in my 1500 calories per day.

Recipes:

Easy Eggplant Parmesan
Slice and sweat eggplant rinse salt off
Spray cookie sheet with Pam, place slices on cookie sheet spray eggplant with Pam
Broil on both sides until golden brown.

Place six slices in baking dish, pour Marinara sauce over eggplant and top with mozzarella. Bake 30-40 minutes at 350.

Have Parmesan or Romano on table. I don't add it to mine due to calories.

Total Calories 460 serve 3-4. Marinara 1.5 cups =240, Half of eggplant = 60 , 1/2 cup Mozzarella cheese= 160. We had a salad (30 calories with spray dressing) and Rainbow Slaw (shredded broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and red cabbage) sauteed in chicken stock (25 calories). Total dinner - my share less than 200 calories!

Moussaka

Make a day a head and it will taste better. The flavors "marry."

8 oz left over pork (or an other meat) chopped finely (250)
About half an eggplant broiled with Pam cubed (60)
1/2 cup tomato sauce (80 because I used marinara left over)
1/2 can diced tomatoes (45)
1/2 onion, 1/4 green pepper and 2 cloves of garlic sauteed in Pam (40)

Combine above ingredients and add cinnamon and allspice to taste. Spray baking dish with Pam. Put Moussaka in pan, top with 1/2 cup mozzarella (160). Bake 30-40 minutes at 350.

Total calories (serves 3-4) 635.

Weights and Measures

Back in the Total Quality Management training at Cargill I learned that what you measure improves. This was a part of the quality revolution in 80's based on the Japanese model. Measurements are a key to my success at weight loss and management.

To be successful I must have:

1. A great bathroom scale, accurate to .2 pounds, digital and consistent. I love and hate my bathroom scale. I fear it every morning but I get on. A long term key to my success is to weigh and RECORD my weight daily. Yes daily with all the ups and downs I need to know exactly where I am so that I can make minor changes and shifts. I know some people disagree with this but I am here to tell ya that it works for me.

2. An accurate food scale in the kitchen. How much is 3 oz of roast pork? You cannot eyeball it. It doesn't work and leads to calorie creep, which adds to weight creep (see point 1 above). All food that has calories per ounce in my book I weigh. I do this so that I am not cheating myself either way. If I calculate 2 oz, I don't want to have less than my share and I don't won't to have more than I have recorded. It is only me that I cheat either way- no one else.

3. Cups, half cups, quarter cups, teaspoons and tablespoons. When I started on the UNC plan I went to Target and found measuring cup and spoon sets for $1 and bought two additional full sets to go along with the 2 sets I already had in my drawer. I can't have the excuse that the half cup was dirty.

I have been very successful, so far, on this plan because I measure everything and record it. Self monitoring is the number one key to my weight loss. Every bit and bite are recorded and accounted for. My steps are counted by my pedometer, my minutes of exercise are recorded every week. I can look back over the past 30 plus weeks to see how I have lost the over 40 pounds. I know exactly what I have done and eaten to get here, and I know what tools helped me.

What's Cooking- Rosemary Pork Roast

I love to cook. I remember when I lived in Memphis, (about 20 years ago) I was asked what my dream job would be. I said I would love to live in the woods and write cook books. My BFF wanted to be head bitch on a soap opera, actually I think she still does. So that year I wrote down some of my favorite recipes and still refer to my hand written cook book from time to time. Now that we are in the digital age and I have a blog and people seemed to have liked the Kung Pao recipe, I am going to fulfill my dream and self publish some of my recipes right here.

Tonight we had roast pork, and while roasting the pork I roast the cabbage, onion and potatoes with fresh rosemary. Here's how I did it:

Cut off all the visible fat and give to dog. If the roast is too big like mine, cut off about half of the meat to use later for Chinese food or smaller roast- freeze these portions. Put remaining pork roast in casserole dish without lid set on top of 6 springs of fresh rosemary 450 for 15-30 minutes depending on the the size of your roast, turn oven down to 250 put lid on pork or cover in foil and bake until internal temp of pork is 160-170. Let rest for 10 minutes before slicing remove any fat.

Cut up 3 potatoes into 1 inch cubes, spray bottom of glass baking dish with Pam, add potato cubes and 3 springs of rosemary with needles taken off. Spray with Pam on top and sprinkle with Lawry's seasoning salt and garlic powder. Cut up one onion do the same in another pan as with the potatoes- except no rosemary, same with 1/3 a head of cabbage- again no Rosemary. When the oven is down to 250 put the vegetables in.

Calories:

One Potato (150)
1 Cup Cabbage (30)
3 oz pork no fat (200)
1/2 onion (25)

Total 405 calories for my large and lovely Rosemary Pork dinner.

Eating Out

My husband loves to eat out. I hate it. Actually, I love it but it is really hard for me to stay on my program so I try very hard to avoid it. My daughter is at a friend's lake house for the weekend and we have been out to eat twice today! For lunch we had an Indian buffet in Raleigh while running errands. Buffets are strongly recommended against in the UNC plan. I had very little to say in the matter. Fabulous food, mainly vegetables and probably lots of butter. It was delicious. I hadn't had Indian food since Beijing (end of July). I think that it was about 600-700calories for the whole meal. I avoided the rice and naan, but I ate well .

For dinner we met friends at 411 W, a good Italian restaurant in Chapel Hill and I had a plan. I looked at the menu on-line before going and knew what I was going to order and the calorie count before I walked in the door. I ate slowly and enjoyed my meal very much. It was a small plate dinner but perfect for my plan- 4 oz steak and roasted asparagus. No potatoes, no gravy. For an appetizer I had 8 prosciutto wrapped grilled shrimp on a bed of sauteed spinach. Lovely meal. I also had one small roll and about a third of a glass of wine- stolen from my husband's 250 ml carafe. 500-600calories total I am guessing.

My calories were over for the day, but that's ok. I have plenty of calories to cover my eating out in the bank. I know that I can control my calories for the next week and refill my bank of buffer calories. It is nice to be able to go out like normal people every once in a while, knowing that my husband really enjoys it. As long as I don't go over for the week I think it is ok. I way consciously trying to eat and think like a size 10 person.

Here are my tips for eating out if you can't avoid it:
1) Check out the menu before hand and plan what you will eat in advance.
2) If the portion is too big take part of it home. I have asked for a box when they brought my food, cut it in half and took half off my plate before eating. I find that easier psychologically and mathematically than leaving half. If I can't get the box in advance I cut part of it aside and eat the rest.
3) No bread, or very little- one piece at the most. No rice.
4) If there is no low cal salad dressing, bring a bottle of spray on dressing or order just Balsamic vinegar or eat the salad without dressing, the juice from the main course is sometimes enough.
5) Eat at a buffet priced by the pound, like Whole Foods, good food and I don't over eat because of the pricing opposite of the all you can eat buffets.
6) Fast food- Happy meal, Whopper Jr no Mayo, Small Chili, 2 hard shell tacos are my new menu choices, and I generally steal a few fries from my daughter.
7) Pizza- only 2 slices
8) Eat slowly and enjoy every bite. Drink lots of water with your meal.
9) Try not to eat out too much, it is often the beginning of the slippery slope.

New Thinking

Yesterday I was at a continuing education meeting for financial advisors. One of the topics was Behavioral Finance, how our clients brain's work and how they make decisions. I learned a lot about how the brain works: all decisions go through our emotions, when we have had a trauma we avoid the same kind of pain in the future, we are programmed to do what the pack does, follow the herd, the way the memory works if we see a problem like one we have come across in the past we have an automatic response.

Here's a question that he asked: "If I paid $1.10 for a candy bar and a piece of gum. How much did the gum cost if the candy bar cost $1 more than the gum? Quick what is your answer? Are you sure? (think about it and I will give you the answer at the end).

The presenter was one of the passengers on the flight that landed in the Hudson last winter with the pilot Sullenberger, who was in the news today making his first flight since the Hudson river landing. The presenter still has sweaty palms and a racing heart getting on every flight, just like all of our clients investing in the market. Just like me every time I step on the scale when I haven't been perfect in my eating and exercise. I think in the back of my mind, how am I going to keep this weight off. I have dieted lots in the past and sometimes it worked and some times it didn't, but I always gained back the weight and then some... in the past. So, I need new thinking.

Today at my African Bible Study, a passage was read from the New Testament about not putting new wine into old wine skins. Not using old thinking to solve new problems. I am using old habits and thinking and managing my weight with an old size 20W mind. I still eat large quantities of food (cabbage and lettuce) that fill me up, rather than smaller portions like my husband. Maybe I need to have a new brain to go along with my new skin. Down yesterday and today to 185 very close to 50pounds lower than my highest weight. So I see a food problem and I use the same thinking that got me most recently to 234 pounds.

Coming back from Greensboro yesterday I went to the outlets I like in Burlington and realized that I can not shop at Lane Bryant or Dress Barn Woman anymore. I walked in to Dress Barn Woman and realized my mistake and walked right out. WOW- old thinking. Nothing in there fits me now.

New thinking is smaller portions, not eating because it is time to eat, not eating out of boredom, as entertainment, eating to feel not hungry not to feel full. Small enjoyable meals. I have never been a size 10, so I am not sure what that brain does, but I am trying to figure it out.

(I like everyone else in the room and all the other audiences he asked said the gum was 10 cents, actually the gum was 5 cents and the candy was $1.05)

Resistance

We were given resistance bands for strength training at the week 19 group meeting. We were shown how to use them and every week or 2 we get new exercises to add to our weight training program. My resistance bands went with me to China for 2 1/2 weeks in the bottom of my suitcase. They went with me to Minnesota when I went back for the reunion planning weekend in my carry on. They are always within arms reach when I am in my office working, looking at me peaking out from under a pile on my desk. Resistance bands is sure the right name for them because I have been nothing but resistant to picking them up. I have not used them one time since leaving the meeting on July 7. I keep waiting for the right time to fit them in.

Why am I resisting the resistance bands? Maybe I don't want to add one more thing to my exercise program. I don't want to learn the exercises. They are boring. It is not enjoyable. I just have to rebel somewhere in this plan. I don't want bigger muscles.... I don't know why I haven't picked them up so far, but I think it is time. I need to add strength training, to my arms especially, to balance out the walking. My legs are like steel after 5 miles a day. My triceps are sagging and this needs to be a priority.

I need a plan. I will get to the sportsplex early for Pilate's and Yoga warm up for 5-10 minutes and do some of these exercises. I will do arms on Friday and legs on Saturday. If I miss either or both I lose my clothing allowance for one day. Both must be done before bed Saturday at the latest. This is a start. Hopefully I will see some results, start to like it and eventually add another 2 days, maybe just doing just arms Monday and Wednesday after my walks. It's a journey not a destination. Surrender.