I just got an email form my mom saying that she caught up on my blog and hadn't realized how hard this was for me. My response was that this is way harder than quiting smoking. This is by far the toughest thing I have ever done. I have lost 45-50 pounds depending on the day, and it was not by accident or minor changes in my life.
This has been an all consuming mission that has taken extreme focus, determination and really hard work. I have over hauled my whole life. From my spiritual practices, my time management and most extremely what ever I put in my mouth. I have to be in the present every moment to be aware. No unconscious living or eating allowed. Planned meals, snacks, beverages and scheduled exercise.
No part of this is easy or enjoyable. (No part of the process other than the results). I know I look 100% better; I have confidence that I haven't had in years. It is hard to remember that when I want a cookie. Tonight I have a cocktail party for work to go to and I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Dreading the hard choices that I will have to make to keep on my plan. The wine and food (free!) that will be there to tempt me. It is every minute of every day and it is never easy. Yesterday was free night for veterans at Golden Corral. My husband is a Vietnam vet and we have gone with friend for the past 5 or so years for this night. I couldn't go because I can't trust my self at huge buffet like that and I wont have a good time if I can't eat what I want. I didn't go and it was the right choice, but a hard choice.
I used to say I was great at quitting smoking. I do it all the time. I just wasn't great at staying quit. Well after many tries, I quit cold turkey with my husband and we haven't smoked since. After a year I never even thought about it and now the thought of a cigarette turns my stomach. It will never be that way for me and my weight. A year later, and I could go back to my old ways of over eating and drinking tomorrow, (or even tonight, right now!)
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The difference between eating and smoking is that we have to eat to live (but not live to eat, as we have been conditioned to do)........but smoking is simply cut and dried...smoking has no redeeming qualities. Now, I did find it easier to quit white sugar, white flour, and butter/margarine cold turkey (once for 2 years), but they snuck back in when I gave in to some entertaining eating and culturally supported eating activities....smoking is way easier, I agree. But I also think that the eating/food management is much easier for some folks than for others........and my sense is that it is going to take more conscious work on intentionality for you and for me than it ever will take for folks like your mother, at least in this department. For me, the key is to not, on any level, compare myself to those folks and to accept what is and what it is going to take for ME to eat mindfully.
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