10 by 25

My weight loss goal is to be a size 10 by my 25th college reunion. I am well on my way and may reach my goal sooner than June of 2010. I am wearing a size 12 jeans now. So am I size 12? No, I am not because I am also wearing a size 14 jeans these days and a 14 dress and jacket set that I wore to church on Sunday, (purchased 3 years ago at TJ Maxx for $7 and with a lot of hope) is still a bit snug. I know I am no longer a 20W or 2X but what size am I? Today the tank top I have on is a size 3X Emma James from Liz Claiborne, the sweater is a 1X and the pants are a 12. I guess I just don't get it. This is a bit extreme but it illustrates the point. I knew when I bought the top that it was not a 3X ,it fit more like a 1X. Some of the clothes I bought in China over the summer were 4X by Chinese standards and are a large here.

I wish they would come up with a global system to keep sizes in line but I do not see this clothing revolution on the horizon. So how do I know when I reach my goal? When I have a flat tummy? No, because I really don't think that will ever happen. When I fit into 2 different size 10 things? or 50% of the clothes I wear? Maybe it is when I am 175? or 165? I think my body will tell me when I am at the right weight for my height and I feel good. When I eat 1500- 1700 calories on average and walk 10,000 steps per day at a certain point I will stop losing weight because I eat what I burn and find balance. So maybe my goal should be to find balance and finally make peace with my body. To accept it, listen to it and let it tell me when I have reached my goal.

So the lesson is surrender. Let go. Again. I can't control the sizes, they are irrational and that is ok. I can still enjoy getting into clothes I haven't worn for years or bought and never fit in until now. I have been shopping at what my daughter calls my "mall" where I get new clothes out of my closet. For a while every time I would wear a new outfit she'd say, "did you get that at your mall?" I finally bit the bullet and went to the sleepwear mall (a large plastic zipper bag from the back of my closet) and got out the old nighties and PJ's that haven't fit since the wedding. To my pleasant surprised they fit well, mostly. There are still a few things that have never been worn and are still too small. But I have hope and they are goals for me. I feel good when the sizes are smaller than I used to wear. Maybe I am fooling myself but it works for me and keeps me happy and focused.