Halloween

How did we ever get to the point where as a nation we all thought is was a good idea to give away tons of free candy and to teach our kids that getting a huge bag of snickers (or you favorite candy) was the goal of the holiday. I think that we have collectively lost our minds.

The pagan holiday was to honor the dead and somehow it became all about snickers. I remember as a child eating tons of candy on Halloween and be amazed at how soon it was all gone. Probably within a week I was down to the hard candy or anything with out chocolate. We all hated the houses that gave out apples or popcorn balls.

I live way out in the country now. When your driveway is 1/3 a mile long you don't get any trick or treaters so I don't buy lots of candy except for my daily snickers of course. The best part of Halloween for me is getting my fun size snickers on sale. My daughter is spending the night at a friends and they are going to a church trunk or treat and we are going to another friend's house for dinner. I am wearing my Halloween shirt (size 2x that just hangs off me) and that is the extent of my celebration. I will try to avoid my daughter's bag of goodies when she comes home tomorrow. Hopefully she'll eat all the good things tonight so I don't even have to be tempted.

The Ultimate Reward

What is the thing that you have wanted since high school and never thought you would have? What is too extravagant, too expensive, too showy, ostentatious, just too much? I have always wanted to have Jaguar. I think they are beautiful and I want one. I am still on the cusp of losing 50 pounds but want to get a reward for myself, because I deserve it.

When I was 50-70 pounds over weight I didn't feel that I deserve to have such a treat. My self opinion kept me heavy and kept me depriving myself of luxuries to a certain extent. I am starting to see through this. The over eating was a protection and a barrier in life from living fully. I feel that through the process of getting healthy I have been able to see through the fog and live today.

So in the spirit of living today, I am in the market for a used Jaguar. There is a beautiful 2005 dark grey with tan leather interior with 35k miles for about $12,000. So I may be making a trip to NYC to buy the car of my dreams. Or I will keep dreaming and fall in love with another one. Driving a Jaguar is like good friends not recognizing me. The weight coming off has transformed me and shifted me into a life I never felt I could have.

Not hungry or full?

There is a world of difference between not being hungry and being full. For me it probably about 300-500 calories in a given meal. In this culture we are trained to eat until we are full. I remember as a child being asked if I was full and I would eat until I was full. I ask my daughter if she is full. The message is that you need to feel your tummy is full to stop eating.

Let's change the language and say, "are you still hungry?" That's what we are after. Not full but not hungry anymore. We should eat because we are hungry, for nourishment. Not for entertainment, social reasons or to get full and uncomfortable.

I still like to feel full so I drink a lot of water. If you drink 2-3 glasses of water before a meal you will eat less. I eat a lot of salads and cabbage -usually before the rest of the meal. Lower calories, more bulk. But the real shift that needs to take place is that I eat only when I am hungry after a few glasses of water and I eat until I am not hungry.

Spin Class

I went to spin class yesterday for the first (maybe second) time in months. I have not been a regular since spring. My friend practically dragged me there kicking and screaming, (at least complaining loudly and making snide comments through out the class) Eddie sure kicked my butt, but I am glad I did it and have now put it in my schedule for the rest of the month. I will add the Tues 9 a.m. spin class to my exercise routine .

Walking in nature is meditative and has helped to keep me loosing weight. I really enjoy the waking. Spin class, not so much. My fear is that with only walking I will plateau as more weight comes off. I also do not feel my fitness level increasing anymore. Adding the high intensity work out once a week will help (I hope).

I have also put weights in my car to carry in a back pack when walking, and I have smaller weights in the front seat to use to do curls while waiting at stop lights. I will get the strength training some how. I am frustrated by the weight fluctuations up 4 pounds a few days ago and then the 4 pounds vanish over the next 3 days. I am not sure what happens but it scares me into shaking up my routine. Maybe that is the point. The lesson from the diet gods....

Another reason to go to spin- one of the women came up after the class and said,"Wow, you have lost a lot of weight. What have you been doing?"... This weight loss thing is all about vanity. Keeps me focused and on track. The ego is a beautiful thing if you know how to manipulate it to your total advantage.

Hungry Girl

I just discovered Hungry Girl and signed up for the daily email. I first read about her in the Sunday New York Times Magazine food special focus about a month ago and then saw her a few weeks ago on Rachel Ray for a minute or two. She is a genius. She is doing all the things that I have been trying to do and muddling my way through. Taking high calories things and making them low cal. Fabulous.

A big tip I got from seeing her on TV was to use Dijionaise by Hellman's instead of mayo. I am going to buy some next time I am grocery shopping. From the web site she mentions "better 'n peanut butter" with 100 calories per 2 tablespoon. Until now my strategy for PBJ was to have one or 2 TEASPOONS (30-60 calories) instead of 2 tablespoons (180 calories) to cut the calories and for the jam Smucker's has a very low cal Spenda cherry jam I like. I will look for the better 'n peanut butter at Trader Joe's. These two tips are genius if I like the taste of them. Most of other other tips I knew, but I am intrigued enough to be on her daily email and keep the tips at the front of my mind. Anything that can help to keep me on track I will take.

Bottom line in my diet is that I can have anything I want just not as much of it as I want. So if I have a hankering for something I can have it. If I can reduce the calories by half or more all the better. Then I have more calories for something else like snickers.

Chocolate

I can not get enough chocolate these days. It is wrecking my diet and weight loss. Why am I craving chocolate all the time?

"Chocolate is the most-craved food, especially among women. But the fact is, no one really knows what causes chocolate cravings. It could be hormonal imbalances. Or, it could be simply a cultural or learned behavior. Feeling a little blue? Must be chocolate time! Want to say “I love you”? A heart-shaped box of chocolates should do the trick. Another speculation for chocolate cravings is that chocolate has an unusual mix of physiologically active compounds. First, it’s high in both sugar and fat, releasing chemicals in the brain, such as serotonin, endorphins and galanin, that help lift our mood and help us feel satisfied. Other compounds, including theobromine and phenylethylamine, also might produce positive physiological effects, but strong evidence for this has not been firmly established for the amounts present in chocolate. An ounce and a half of milk chocolate contains 225 calories and 13.5 grams of fat, more than half of which is saturated fat. So if you submit to your chocolate craving, be sure to do so in moderation." (From Chow Line - a service of Ohio State University Extension and the Ohio Agricultural Research and Development Center)

I start out the day fine and then around 3-4 pm I start on the slippery slope and then I end up over 2000 calories for the day. This yo-yo has to stop. I hope that tomorrow will be better. I will plan my meals and snacks down to the calorie and perhaps going for a walk instead of eating chocolate will work. I had this under control for so long with my one fun size snickers a day and now something is not working.

Gratitude

The past 2 days my lesson has been: be grateful. I am feeling a sense of gratitude for the people in my life and the gifts I have been given. I am grateful for my imperfections and my successes.

Last night as reflecting on working at the IFC (shelter) the phrase, "there but for the grace of god go I" came to me. I believe in making good choices and working hard but I also believe that we all aren't given the same deck to deal with. I am grateful for the hand I was dealt and hope that I can use my gifts to the greatest good.

It starts with appreciating what you have and where you are right now. My new spiritual practice that I am adding in my life is a daily gratitude journal to go along with my food journal.

Incognito

Today 2 (TWO!) of my very good friends didn't recognize me. I met a friend to walk early and another for lunch. How really bazaar! It as though I am going through my life now disguised as a thin person. This happened a few months ago with another very good friend who saw me going into the library and she wasn't expecting to see me so that makes more sense. Today it was people I was meeting and they didn't think that thin person was me. I am incognito.

It makes me feel weird. I haven't seen the changes because they are so gradual. This proves the picture in my head isn't always reality. I didn't feel very thin this morning after gaining 1 pound yesterday and going over my calories goal with 400 extra chocolate calories I couldn't resist. Must be PMS. I was famished all day yesterday and couldn't keep out of the chocolate after dinner. I had to go to bed at 8:30 to stop.

Today has been better. I worked at the IFC (soup kitchen) and didn't sample any of the desserts and feel better and more in control. I am not feeling very thin so I am glad that it was today that my dear friends didn't recognize me. A great help to my fragile ego after falling on the slope yesterday.

Bible

I have a bible that I take everywhere I go. I can quote from it, it is dog eared and book marked for my favorite pages. This weight loss journey has caused a shift in my spiritual practices and I find that instead of King James I carry around the Calorie King bible.

This good book is truly amazing. It has almost everything I have ever or will ever eat in it. A key to keeping with in my calorie allowance everyday is knowing how many calories are in what I am eating. With US labeling laws I don't have to look up everything, but it is still in there. As a part of the UNC study we were all given these calorie counter books on the first day. It has alcoholic drinks, baking ingredients, bars, beverages, bread etc etc. Happy to say the most used parts for me are the fruits, veggies and meat.

At the back instead of gospels there are calories for 200 fast-food and chain restaurants. At my finger tips I can tell you how many calories in taco or happy meal. It is amazing and has changed my life. I would not have lost the weight if I didn't have the exact calorie count for what I eat. The weight watchers points is close, based I think on 50 or so calories per point. I found it too imprecise and I think it is easier to stay on with the points but I didn't loose much weight. Maybe I ate too many things with zero points. On my plan everything except hot sauce, salt, sweetener, diet pop and horseradish has calories and they all count.

Vacation Planning

I love to go on vacations. I vacation more than anyone I know. My husband accuses me of going on vacation just to eat and drink as much as I want. In the past my pattern has been lose weight, eat well, exercise, do my 5 things and then go on vacation and it all went out the window. No more. I am 184.2 this morning, my lowest weight in forever, and it is just after a mini vacation.

Here's how to do it. How to keep on your plan even when going on vacation.

1. Plan- Plan everything in advance and prepare for the tough choices.
2. Bring your bathroom scale with you on on vacation. My new vacation must have accessory, I don't leave home without it.
3. We stay at a lot of condos/ house rentals/ time shares which makes it easy to control the food. If you do this plan the meals in advance and bring the food scale, measuring cups and measuring spoons. If others want to go out to eat or make the food, have a healthy low cal alternative like a TV dinner.
4. In a hotel it is a bit more challenging, but most have a fridge and microwave so you can at least have 2 meals a day and healthy snacks. Try to only go out to eat once per day. (Twice including breakfast, if breakfast is provided and you can choose something that is not over the top in calories.
5. Going to amusement parks is tough or other places where the food choices are pretty much junk. Bring a back pack with water, a sandwich, fruit, granola bar, 100-150 calorie chips/ crackers/ goldfish etc. You will know how many calories you are having and chances are you are eating more filling food for less calories. You will not be starving without any good choices.
6. It is hard for me to eat vegetables on vacation. Make salads in the room or get a salad out and bring your own spray on dressing. You can cook/ steam cabbage in a microwave. You need to bring a cutting board and knife for this option.
7. When going out to eat, only go to places you know you have good alternatives. Check out the menu in advance either in a tourist magazine, online or go walking around where the restaurants area and check out the menus.
8. If you are in a foreign country and have no fridge/ microwave in the room, go to local markets and have picnics for lunch. Buy a yogurt and fruit for breakfast if breakfast is not included with your room.
9. Exercise more than normal. I find I can walk twice as much on vacations. I get in close to 2 hours of walking for exercise or site-seeing a day, plus additional steps for shopping.
10. Write down your calorie plan for the day first thing in the morning. If you want a glass of wine or two in the evening as a part of the whole vacation experience then plan for it. Make other choices earlier in the day.

It is all about planning for the choices. Anticipating and having good solutions. It is not easy. It sure is a lot more fun to go on vacation and be unconscious of how much you are eating and drinking. But that is what got me up to 234, and keep me around that number. I think this is better all around for me - physically and mentally. I don't have the vacation hangover, literally or figuratively. No guilt about over doing it and the slippery slope that follows when I make the vacation slip. Instead there is pride and joy at continued success and staying off the slope.

Lean Cuisine

Lean Cuisine TV dinners are not my idea of great meals. I wouldn't call it cuisine, more like "lean tiny dinner that do in a pinch." On the mini vacation with the mom's, I took Lean Cuisine for my dinners to make it easy on myself. Less prep and clean up, and it worked out great. They are OK, a bit small, but what did I expect for 240-250 calories. The lemon grass chicken and brown rice wasn't that bad actually.

I supplemented the TV dinners with a salad (50 calories with spray on dressing) and one cup of cooked cabbage (30 calories) and topped it off with a low cal pudding (70 calories) so the whole dinner for about 400 calories. It was fine and satisfying. I didn't feel deprived at all. Quite the calorie bargain. Lean cuisine afforded me enough calories to indulge in European chocolates and red wine and not go over my calorie goal.

I am learning how to go on vacation and loose weight at the same time. This is a HUGE step for me. I walked tons, hiking in the mountains and got in over 10,000 steps each day. When were at the beach a few months ago I was able to get more than my 10,000 in each day too.

In addition to the mountain hikes, I also walked around a few malls to get in some steps and retail therapy, spending some of my clothes allowance / reward money for keeping within my calorie goal. I bought the last goal jeans!!!!!!!! Friday, I bought a pair of size 10 long Liz Claiborne jeans at the outlet for $8 before using my $5 gift card for AAA members because I went to one of their outlets earlier in the year. The jeans are definitely a real size 10. Another mom who is a size 10 tried them on they fit- not her favorite fit but a real size 10. I could get them on, I could button them and zip them but I look a bit like a stuffed sausage. Once they fit I am done. These are the last goal pants and today I bought on clearance, a size medium, red, short sleeved button up shirt ($3 JCP) that is too tight, but buttons. Once this top fits I am done. It feels so close. The last goal. It is like I am almost to the top of the mountain.

How Does It Feel?

On a reunion planning call today I mentioned my goal of being a 10 by the 25th reunion, and that I was a 12 and had lost almost 50 pounds. "Wow, how does it feel?" I hadn't thought about that question. I feel no different really. It is like when you are a kid and you have your birthday and they ask, "how does it feel to be 10,13 etc?" Kinda just like it did yesterday when I was 9, 12 etc. It is still the same me, with small imperceivable changes.

The problem with slow gradual weight loss is that you just can't tell. I can feel a difference in my energy level, my fitness and definitely the way the clothes feel. But I look at myself naked in the mirror and it seems to be the same body stepping into the shower as yesterday and all the yesterday's before. I still see the same tummy, it shrunk so slowly I couldn't tell. The same thing happened when I gained the weight. I didn't see it.... Until I saw it on the scale. How can that be? That you can loose and gain 50 pounds and not notice except for how the clothes fit? I must have some kind of crazy perspective.

Upon reflection really trying to see and feel the change, I can say, I feel :
Proud- that I have come this far, that my life is on a healthy path, that I am attractive again.
Light- that I take up less room, move faster and have a healthy glow.
Powerful- I can see and feel my muscles, control my eating and weight, and make good choices.
Confident- if I can do this and stick with it, the hardest thing for me in my life so far, I can do anything.

Namaste

The divine in me honors the divine you. Honoring the divine in others is easy, honoring the divine in me is not. I am compassionate towards others and not so much towards myself. Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves. I need to embrace my imperfection and be kinder to me. It is easy for me to beat up on myself for my imperfections. I need to take care of myself first and love myself where I am.

Put yourself first. "Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others." It is easier to put other's first do for others, be kind to others than to do it for yourself. I just finished the new Dan Brown book -The Lost Symbol which talks about god being in all of us. I believe this, yet I don't act that way. This train of thought started with a friend telling me today that I am too hard on myself. If I can see the divine in others why don't I see it in me. I need to love myself where I am, through my faults, through my weight plateau, through my calorie creep which has stopped my weight loss, through losing my temper, through all the times and places I fall short of perfection. Celebrate the small successes of the bites not taken and the big successes of getting into the size 10s and 12s and losing almost 50 pounds.

Six months ago I thought that my weight was my biggest problems and if I lost 50 pounds everything would be great and all my troubles would be over. I didn't know that it was just the beginning of finding total health. The real problem is not loving myself everyday for everything just the way I am. I am perfect, I am divine and I am everything I need to be just the way I am.

Weekend Get Away

This weekend is our annual mom's weekend. We started a mom's group ten years ago. We got together with small babes every week, we watched each other's kids and each other grow and change. We shifted to once a month dinner or desset for a while when the kids got too big. Then that stopped but we always kept the weekend away. We go away without kids and others and stay at one of the Mom's parents second home over looking Grandfather Mountian. In the past we have done it in January. This year we decided on October and the leaves should be beautiful. We drive up to Boone and have lunch out and shop at Mast General, we hike grandfather mountian and go over to the outlets in Blowing Rock and have a nice dinner out on Saturday night. It is always a grand time with lots of good food and plenty to drink.

I am concerned. I can't do the eating and drinking this time. I realized that this has always been one of those free weekends, where anything goes and none of the calories count. One mom brings a whole pan of blondies/ brownies, another makes killer gimlets and we all indulge. I decided that I need to shift my behavior and still be sensitive not to interfer with the good time of the others.

I will be bringing my food- my whole 1500 calories per day. I will have everything planned out down to the snacks to take on the hike and I am not going out to eat out. I have realized that I really do not enjoy going out to eat anymore. I only do it for other people. I can not control the food or order what I want. It is just not fun having naked fish or chicken and no dessert when I want a big steak, french fries, red wine and cheesecake. Not fun to watch other enjoying a meal that I am not enjoying. So I decided I'd rather not go out. I can stay in and watch cable or read a book, enjoy the mountain air and the beautiful Autumn leaves. We will have our bonding time together without food as the center piece.

In the past, vacations - big or mini have been times of putting on weight, over eating and drinking. This stops now. When on vacation I can still have a great time, enjoy the company of others and not go out to eat and not over eat and over drink. I know it is possible but it is a big shift for me. I think this fear and resistance has been gnawing at me for the past few days bringing me down because I don't want to disappoint others or change my good time behavior.

Choose Your Response

It is not even 8 am and I am having a bad day already. Over slept, gained 2 pounds since yesterday, the TV/radio in the kitchen mysteriously broke overnight, was somehow just not working this morning- no news, no weather. TVs used to last for decades, this under cabinet one we have had for about 4 years. How does a TV/ DVD player/ radio just stop working over night?

The cleaners will be here in minutes and I just want to go back to bed and start the day over. I have a pile of work to do and long list of personal and business things that must get done today. And then there is the weight. The frustration of the scale going in the wrong direction. I know I over did it at the wedding on Saturday, but I was under on my calories yesterday. I know I didn't exercise at all yesterday, but really, 2 pounds?? I have been low energy for at least 2 days.

Suck it up, plan your day, schedule the 90 minutes walk you need to meet your weekly exercise goal. Just got a call from a friend and it brightened my morning already, and she mentioned that I was low energy on Friday also, in "a bit of a funk." I think I am not managing my energy. The day will get better, the 2 pound gain is not real and the rest are only things. I get frustrated when things go different than planned and need to realize that this is always going to happen to a certain extent and I can choose my response to it. I can get mad, eat, drink or shop or I can shrug it off and get on with my day. Life is looking up already.

Just Do It- 5 Things

For years I have known if I did just five things that I would lose weight. They were:

1. Drink water
2. Plan meals
3. Schedule exercise
4. No eating after 7 pm
5. Take supplements

I did this with Atkins, counting Weight Watcher points and now on the UNC plan. When ever I did these things I lost weight. Why didn't it work in the past? Because I stopped doing one or more of the 5 key things that made me successful. Perhaps it was too many things maybe they weren't the right things that I could keep up long term, or it wasn't the right time. Still, for me, these are some of the key behaviors that make me a healthier person. It is just a matter of doing them. We all know what we need to do to be healthier.

The 5 things keep me focused and help me to keep making better choices. Now they are pretty much habits, since I have been doing them so long continually. What are your top 5? Now just do!

On Strike

My freezer is filled to capacity, my pantry is full, my fridge has a little breathing room, but we are set to be fine for at least 2 months if there is a bird flu out break or natural disaster and it drives my husband crazy. So I am going on strike. I am not going bargain hunting for a while. I am taking my self out of the market literally. No grocery shopping for a while for me. My husband can pick up the milk and lettuce and whatever small things we need. I need to break this shopping Jones. It is hard. Today is the last day of turkeys for 69 cents a pound and Gala apples for 99 cents a pound at Kroger. But I need to stop.

Although I have the clothing bank account I think I am consuming too much on that front too. I stayed in my budget last month and bought over 20 things. Too much. So for now I am giving up grocery shopping and after my outlet trip next week for a Mom's weekend I am going to give up clothes shopping for a while. I'm going on a consumption strike unless something is absolutely necessary like wedding wrapping paper and a card for the wedding we are going to this afternoon. I got what was needed and that is all. We have enough of everything. An probably a lifetime supply of office supplies, another thing I can't resist in the fall when school supplies are at a deep discount.

Shopping is like a drug, I get a little rush with the great bargains that I find, but I don't need that crutch. I will try to be more like my BFF she is a buyer vs me as a shopper. When she needs something she goes and gets it. About 20 years ago I asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me. She looked confused, this wasn't something she was familiar with- going to stores for entertainment. No more entertainment shopping. We have enough. My next project will be organizing all the storage and getting rid of more stuff we don't need.

Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?

I watched Oprah yesterday, it was a real treat because I can't usually get ABC since the digital switch. I usually only get NBC and that is only on the TV in the kitchen. The family room TV with rabbit ears gets nothing with the converter so it is only good for DVDs. By chance it was a show about hoarders, something my husband accuses me of. I am nothing like the people on the show but certainly not the Zen Master that he is. I saw Peter Walsh on the show and was reminded of his book: Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? Which says stop watching TV, start eating meals at home at a table, and get rid of clutter in your life. I haven't read the book but I agree with his philosophy. It has worked for me but I am not sure which came first... kinda like the chicken and the egg.

A few quotes from the book:
From page 2, “As a nation we are reveling in an orgy of consumption and it shows no sign of letting up. We can’t get enough of anything. The American mantra has become ‘more is better’ and we are applying that motto with gusto to almost every aspect of our lives. If consuming is good, then consuming more is better.”
From page 47, “The math of weight is the same as that of clutter: You can only have as many books as you have room on your shelves or only the number of shirts that can hang comfortably in your closet; if you eat more calories than your body needs, they will be stored as fat. Of all the possessions in your home, your body should be most treasured. Treating your body with honor and respect means you are treating yourself with honor and respect.” Totally agree.

I don't watch much TV since the digital conversion, I have cut way down my eating out due to my 1500 calories plan and the clutter is going away naturally. Since losing 49.6 pounds since September 1, 2008 I have begun to finally throw away things I have been holding on to for decades because I might want or need it someday. We are storage challenged in our house, no garage, no attic, no basement. We only have closets so I have been creative in my storage. I have gotten rid of my fat clothes and some of my skinny clothes that fit but weren't in style anymore or flattering. I have really cleaned out my closets and tried on everything in there. It works, I love it or it leaves the house. Nothing under the beds anymore. This week I got rid of 2 bags of fabric/ rags and clothes that I was "going to do something with." I kept the fabric for the second quilt I am making for my daughter from her old clothes. (I made one 5 years ago from her baby clothes and receiving blanket and it is treasured) I did not keep the extra scraps that I don't need.

I feel lighter in body and in spirit since losing the almost 50 pounds. I no longer feel the need to keep the stuff around me to insulate me from the world. My wrapper has come off and I can really feel.

Juice Glasses

They don't sell juice glasses anymore when you buy a box of glasses they have been replaced by larger glasses. Who drinks a tiny glass of orange juice anymore anyway? Compared to 20-30 years ago a bottle of Cke used to be 6.5 oz or 85 calories and now a bottle of Coke is 20 oz or 250 calories. A regular order of fries was 2.4 oz and now is 6.9 oz, a cheese burger was 300 calories and is now 590. A bagel was 3 inches in diameter and is now 6 inches in diameter. No wonder I was over 230 pounds! The deck is stacked against everyone and that is why America is so heavy. It is the portion sizes. Normal portions sizes are now super sized. Not just in the fast food restaurants but everywhere, even in our own kitchens. Our juice glasses are bigger, our plates are bigger, a cup of coffee is bigger, a cereal bowl or pasta bowl is much bigger than it used to be and so are our bodies.

What to do? Buy juice glasses at a thrift shop, order the kids meal, use old smaller bowls and use smaller plates. If you have a small portion on a big plate it looks tiny. If you use a smaller plate it looks bigger and is visually a more satisfying meal. When going out for business recently, I had 3 (THREE!) meals from one portion which I would have eaten in one sitting. I ate a third at the meal and took the rest home for 2 separate meals. That just ain't right.

Knowledge is power. If you carry your calorie counter everywhere you go, like I do, you can tell how many calories are in a portion and choose wisely.

Bites Not Taken

Every dollar you do not spend adds to your bottom line. This was a powerful lesson I learned in my early twenties. When I spend money I think, would I rather have that, or the money? This philosophy has served me well and I have been a saver ever since.

It hit me today that the same analogy is true for food. WOW. Every extra snickers I haven't eaten has not added to my bottom and kept me losing weight. It is the late night snacks that I wanted or the glass or 2 of red wine while watching TV or a movie that I didn't have that made all the difference. Would I rather have the snickers or glass of wine OR keep off the almost 50 pounds I have lost and get the last 15-20 off?

Life is about choices and we all have the power to make the right choice if we really understand the cost, the trade offs and the repercussions of our choices. To me this is the absolute simplest way to look at it. Do I want that or do I want to be thin. Do I want that or do I want to be rich. They say you can never be too thin or too rich. I am neither, but I am closer than I was and more importantly I am on the right path.

Three Way Cooking

My husband does not like leftovers and the quantity of food I eat has gone way down so I have been getting more creative with food. Over the weekend we had spaghetti. Actually he had spaghetti with marinara and I had cabbage with marinara. So I had left over marinara sauce. Last night I made eggplant Parmesan and with the left overs from that and the extra eggplant we will have moussaka tomorrow. Marinara 3 ways.

Sunday we had pork roast. The bone is in the pinto beans cooking in the crock pot all day and the meat will go into the moussaka. Pork roast three ways. I will do the same with a whole chicken later in the next week or so. Roast chicken, then left over chicken used in Asian lettuce wraps and the bones boiled for stock for Tom Yum soup.

I figure if I hide the leftovers in new and exciting ways he won't mind and I won't get bored with my meals. On of the great challenges for me is to not get bored with my own cooking. At times I get in a rut and am making the same dull things over and over. So I am trying to spicy it up, be frugal and keep with in my 1500 calories per day.

Recipes:

Easy Eggplant Parmesan
Slice and sweat eggplant rinse salt off
Spray cookie sheet with Pam, place slices on cookie sheet spray eggplant with Pam
Broil on both sides until golden brown.

Place six slices in baking dish, pour Marinara sauce over eggplant and top with mozzarella. Bake 30-40 minutes at 350.

Have Parmesan or Romano on table. I don't add it to mine due to calories.

Total Calories 460 serve 3-4. Marinara 1.5 cups =240, Half of eggplant = 60 , 1/2 cup Mozzarella cheese= 160. We had a salad (30 calories with spray dressing) and Rainbow Slaw (shredded broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and red cabbage) sauteed in chicken stock (25 calories). Total dinner - my share less than 200 calories!

Moussaka

Make a day a head and it will taste better. The flavors "marry."

8 oz left over pork (or an other meat) chopped finely (250)
About half an eggplant broiled with Pam cubed (60)
1/2 cup tomato sauce (80 because I used marinara left over)
1/2 can diced tomatoes (45)
1/2 onion, 1/4 green pepper and 2 cloves of garlic sauteed in Pam (40)

Combine above ingredients and add cinnamon and allspice to taste. Spray baking dish with Pam. Put Moussaka in pan, top with 1/2 cup mozzarella (160). Bake 30-40 minutes at 350.

Total calories (serves 3-4) 635.

Weights and Measures

Back in the Total Quality Management training at Cargill I learned that what you measure improves. This was a part of the quality revolution in 80's based on the Japanese model. Measurements are a key to my success at weight loss and management.

To be successful I must have:

1. A great bathroom scale, accurate to .2 pounds, digital and consistent. I love and hate my bathroom scale. I fear it every morning but I get on. A long term key to my success is to weigh and RECORD my weight daily. Yes daily with all the ups and downs I need to know exactly where I am so that I can make minor changes and shifts. I know some people disagree with this but I am here to tell ya that it works for me.

2. An accurate food scale in the kitchen. How much is 3 oz of roast pork? You cannot eyeball it. It doesn't work and leads to calorie creep, which adds to weight creep (see point 1 above). All food that has calories per ounce in my book I weigh. I do this so that I am not cheating myself either way. If I calculate 2 oz, I don't want to have less than my share and I don't won't to have more than I have recorded. It is only me that I cheat either way- no one else.

3. Cups, half cups, quarter cups, teaspoons and tablespoons. When I started on the UNC plan I went to Target and found measuring cup and spoon sets for $1 and bought two additional full sets to go along with the 2 sets I already had in my drawer. I can't have the excuse that the half cup was dirty.

I have been very successful, so far, on this plan because I measure everything and record it. Self monitoring is the number one key to my weight loss. Every bit and bite are recorded and accounted for. My steps are counted by my pedometer, my minutes of exercise are recorded every week. I can look back over the past 30 plus weeks to see how I have lost the over 40 pounds. I know exactly what I have done and eaten to get here, and I know what tools helped me.

What's Cooking- Rosemary Pork Roast

I love to cook. I remember when I lived in Memphis, (about 20 years ago) I was asked what my dream job would be. I said I would love to live in the woods and write cook books. My BFF wanted to be head bitch on a soap opera, actually I think she still does. So that year I wrote down some of my favorite recipes and still refer to my hand written cook book from time to time. Now that we are in the digital age and I have a blog and people seemed to have liked the Kung Pao recipe, I am going to fulfill my dream and self publish some of my recipes right here.

Tonight we had roast pork, and while roasting the pork I roast the cabbage, onion and potatoes with fresh rosemary. Here's how I did it:

Cut off all the visible fat and give to dog. If the roast is too big like mine, cut off about half of the meat to use later for Chinese food or smaller roast- freeze these portions. Put remaining pork roast in casserole dish without lid set on top of 6 springs of fresh rosemary 450 for 15-30 minutes depending on the the size of your roast, turn oven down to 250 put lid on pork or cover in foil and bake until internal temp of pork is 160-170. Let rest for 10 minutes before slicing remove any fat.

Cut up 3 potatoes into 1 inch cubes, spray bottom of glass baking dish with Pam, add potato cubes and 3 springs of rosemary with needles taken off. Spray with Pam on top and sprinkle with Lawry's seasoning salt and garlic powder. Cut up one onion do the same in another pan as with the potatoes- except no rosemary, same with 1/3 a head of cabbage- again no Rosemary. When the oven is down to 250 put the vegetables in.

Calories:

One Potato (150)
1 Cup Cabbage (30)
3 oz pork no fat (200)
1/2 onion (25)

Total 405 calories for my large and lovely Rosemary Pork dinner.

Eating Out

My husband loves to eat out. I hate it. Actually, I love it but it is really hard for me to stay on my program so I try very hard to avoid it. My daughter is at a friend's lake house for the weekend and we have been out to eat twice today! For lunch we had an Indian buffet in Raleigh while running errands. Buffets are strongly recommended against in the UNC plan. I had very little to say in the matter. Fabulous food, mainly vegetables and probably lots of butter. It was delicious. I hadn't had Indian food since Beijing (end of July). I think that it was about 600-700calories for the whole meal. I avoided the rice and naan, but I ate well .

For dinner we met friends at 411 W, a good Italian restaurant in Chapel Hill and I had a plan. I looked at the menu on-line before going and knew what I was going to order and the calorie count before I walked in the door. I ate slowly and enjoyed my meal very much. It was a small plate dinner but perfect for my plan- 4 oz steak and roasted asparagus. No potatoes, no gravy. For an appetizer I had 8 prosciutto wrapped grilled shrimp on a bed of sauteed spinach. Lovely meal. I also had one small roll and about a third of a glass of wine- stolen from my husband's 250 ml carafe. 500-600calories total I am guessing.

My calories were over for the day, but that's ok. I have plenty of calories to cover my eating out in the bank. I know that I can control my calories for the next week and refill my bank of buffer calories. It is nice to be able to go out like normal people every once in a while, knowing that my husband really enjoys it. As long as I don't go over for the week I think it is ok. I way consciously trying to eat and think like a size 10 person.

Here are my tips for eating out if you can't avoid it:
1) Check out the menu before hand and plan what you will eat in advance.
2) If the portion is too big take part of it home. I have asked for a box when they brought my food, cut it in half and took half off my plate before eating. I find that easier psychologically and mathematically than leaving half. If I can't get the box in advance I cut part of it aside and eat the rest.
3) No bread, or very little- one piece at the most. No rice.
4) If there is no low cal salad dressing, bring a bottle of spray on dressing or order just Balsamic vinegar or eat the salad without dressing, the juice from the main course is sometimes enough.
5) Eat at a buffet priced by the pound, like Whole Foods, good food and I don't over eat because of the pricing opposite of the all you can eat buffets.
6) Fast food- Happy meal, Whopper Jr no Mayo, Small Chili, 2 hard shell tacos are my new menu choices, and I generally steal a few fries from my daughter.
7) Pizza- only 2 slices
8) Eat slowly and enjoy every bite. Drink lots of water with your meal.
9) Try not to eat out too much, it is often the beginning of the slippery slope.

New Thinking

Yesterday I was at a continuing education meeting for financial advisors. One of the topics was Behavioral Finance, how our clients brain's work and how they make decisions. I learned a lot about how the brain works: all decisions go through our emotions, when we have had a trauma we avoid the same kind of pain in the future, we are programmed to do what the pack does, follow the herd, the way the memory works if we see a problem like one we have come across in the past we have an automatic response.

Here's a question that he asked: "If I paid $1.10 for a candy bar and a piece of gum. How much did the gum cost if the candy bar cost $1 more than the gum? Quick what is your answer? Are you sure? (think about it and I will give you the answer at the end).

The presenter was one of the passengers on the flight that landed in the Hudson last winter with the pilot Sullenberger, who was in the news today making his first flight since the Hudson river landing. The presenter still has sweaty palms and a racing heart getting on every flight, just like all of our clients investing in the market. Just like me every time I step on the scale when I haven't been perfect in my eating and exercise. I think in the back of my mind, how am I going to keep this weight off. I have dieted lots in the past and sometimes it worked and some times it didn't, but I always gained back the weight and then some... in the past. So, I need new thinking.

Today at my African Bible Study, a passage was read from the New Testament about not putting new wine into old wine skins. Not using old thinking to solve new problems. I am using old habits and thinking and managing my weight with an old size 20W mind. I still eat large quantities of food (cabbage and lettuce) that fill me up, rather than smaller portions like my husband. Maybe I need to have a new brain to go along with my new skin. Down yesterday and today to 185 very close to 50pounds lower than my highest weight. So I see a food problem and I use the same thinking that got me most recently to 234 pounds.

Coming back from Greensboro yesterday I went to the outlets I like in Burlington and realized that I can not shop at Lane Bryant or Dress Barn Woman anymore. I walked in to Dress Barn Woman and realized my mistake and walked right out. WOW- old thinking. Nothing in there fits me now.

New thinking is smaller portions, not eating because it is time to eat, not eating out of boredom, as entertainment, eating to feel not hungry not to feel full. Small enjoyable meals. I have never been a size 10, so I am not sure what that brain does, but I am trying to figure it out.

(I like everyone else in the room and all the other audiences he asked said the gum was 10 cents, actually the gum was 5 cents and the candy was $1.05)

Resistance

We were given resistance bands for strength training at the week 19 group meeting. We were shown how to use them and every week or 2 we get new exercises to add to our weight training program. My resistance bands went with me to China for 2 1/2 weeks in the bottom of my suitcase. They went with me to Minnesota when I went back for the reunion planning weekend in my carry on. They are always within arms reach when I am in my office working, looking at me peaking out from under a pile on my desk. Resistance bands is sure the right name for them because I have been nothing but resistant to picking them up. I have not used them one time since leaving the meeting on July 7. I keep waiting for the right time to fit them in.

Why am I resisting the resistance bands? Maybe I don't want to add one more thing to my exercise program. I don't want to learn the exercises. They are boring. It is not enjoyable. I just have to rebel somewhere in this plan. I don't want bigger muscles.... I don't know why I haven't picked them up so far, but I think it is time. I need to add strength training, to my arms especially, to balance out the walking. My legs are like steel after 5 miles a day. My triceps are sagging and this needs to be a priority.

I need a plan. I will get to the sportsplex early for Pilate's and Yoga warm up for 5-10 minutes and do some of these exercises. I will do arms on Friday and legs on Saturday. If I miss either or both I lose my clothing allowance for one day. Both must be done before bed Saturday at the latest. This is a start. Hopefully I will see some results, start to like it and eventually add another 2 days, maybe just doing just arms Monday and Wednesday after my walks. It's a journey not a destination. Surrender.